The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
A glance at the chart provided reveals the number of students who continued their study in Australia from four Asian countries over a nineteen-year period from 1982 to 2000. Overall, it is clearly seen that all Asian countries experienced a considerable increase in students number in Australia. First of all, there were three countries that started at the same level in 1982 - Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. But Indonesia and Singapore levelled off until 1987, while Hong Kong students soared to somewhere in the vicinity of 10,000 students in 1994, and reached a peak approximately 25,000 students in 1998 before falling again just over 20,000 students in 2000. Furthermore, the number of Indonesia students remained stable between 1992 and 1995 at 10,000 students before reaching a peak of almost 20,000 students in 1997 and decreased again about 15,000 students in 1998. Meanwhile, there was a noticeable growth for Singapore students about 20,000 in 2000. In contrast, Malaysian students number experienced a slow rise from 1982 to 1994, then reaching a peak of approximately 18,000 students in 1997.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise opening Original: A glance at the chart provided Suggested revision: The chart Why it matters: This states the visual source directly without an unnecessary viewing phrase.
- 2. Use natural verb Original: continued their study Suggested revision: studied Why it matters: Studied is the natural verb for describing student numbers in a country.
- 3. Simplify time span Original: over a nineteen-year period from 1982 to 2000 Suggested revision: from 1982 to 2000 Why it matters: The endpoints already state the period clearly and avoid an arguable inclusive-year count.
- 4. Use direct structure Original: it is clearly seen Suggested revision: it is clear Why it matters: The direct adjective structure is more natural and concise.
- 5. Refer to four series Original: Asian Suggested revision: four Why it matters: The graph covers four selected countries rather than Asia as a whole.
- 6. Correct noun phrase Original: increase in students number Suggested revision: increase in student numbers Why it matters: Student functions attributively and numbers should be plural here.
- 7. Use time connector Original: First of all, Suggested revision: Initially, Why it matters: A time-based connector better introduces the starting values.
- 8. Use direct subject Original: there were three countries that started Suggested revision: three countries started Why it matters: The existential construction is unnecessarily indirect.
- 9. Avoid exact equality Original: at the same level Suggested revision: at similarly low levels Why it matters: The three lines begin close together but not at precisely identical values.
- 10. Introduce list clearly Original: 1982 - Suggested revision: 1982: Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the list of countries.
- 11. Use matching transition Original: In contrast, Suggested revision: Similarly, Why it matters: Malaysia also increased, so contrast misrepresents the relationship.
- 12. Correct possessive phrase Original: Malaysian students number Suggested revision: the number of Malaysian students Why it matters: The number of Malaysian students is the correct noun structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- A glance at the chart provided The chart
- continued their study studied
- over a nineteen-year period from 1982 to 2000 from 1982 to 2000
- it is clearly seen it is clear
- Asian four
- increase in students number increase in student numbers
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response uses a useful range of trend language and establishes the broad increase across the four countries. However, several major movements and peaks are assigned to the wrong series, especially for Hong Kong and Indonesia, and the single dense paragraph obscures comparison; the priority is to trace each line carefully, verify dates and values, and group the four countries into clearly structured comparative paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A relevant overall trend is stated, but substantial inaccuracies in the Hong Kong and Indonesia data undermine coverage of key features.
Match each line to the legend before writing and verify every reported peak, fall, and plateau against the graph.
Coherence and Cohesion
The account has a discernible chronological flow and basic linking, but presenting everything in one paragraph makes progression uneven.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs and compare related series within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Trend vocabulary is reasonably varied, though several nationality forms and verb-preposition combinations are inaccurate.
Use correct forms such as Indonesian students, fell to, and rose by or rose to with the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but recurring errors in possessives, articles, agreement, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Simplify long sentences and proofread noun phrases and verb forms so that each comparison is grammatically complete.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.