The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
The line graph gives information about overseas students from four countries living in Australia. In general, Indonesia and Hong Kong had a similar number of students staying in Australia over the 18 year periods.
Specifically, the increasing number of overseas students from Indonesia and Hong Kong started from the same level in 1982 about 1,000 students. Both countries rose in the middle of the 1980s. Hong Kong reached a peak in 1998 before it fell and rose again in late 1999, while Indonesia experienced the highest point at almost 20,000 students after it fluctuated during the past 9 years.
Malaysia and Singapore, on the other hand, started at different points and gradually increased along the periods. Malaysia dropped once in 1998 before it rose again, whilst Singapore remained steadily upwards.
From the data, it clearly seen that despite all the fluctuated and the fell down, the number of students from four countries keep increased for the rest of the eight-years periods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct time expression Original: 18 year periods Suggested revision: 18-year period Why it matters: A single span from 1982 to 2000 requires a singular compound modifier.
- 2. Use plural subject Original: the increasing number Suggested revision: The numbers Why it matters: The sentence refers to separate student totals for two countries.
- 3. Use level preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: A numerical series starts at a level rather than from a level.
- 4. Punctuate the figure Original: in 1982 about Suggested revision: in 1982, at about Why it matters: The comma and preposition correctly introduce the approximate starting value.
- 5. Correct peak timing Original: Hong Kong reached a peak in 1998 Suggested revision: Hong Kong peaked at about 19,000 in 1997 Why it matters: The line reaches its highest point around 1997 rather than 1998.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: before it fell and rose again Suggested revision: before its figure fell and then rose again Why it matters: The original pronoun incorrectly suggests that the country itself fell.
- 7. Correct recovery date Original: late 1999 Suggested revision: 2000 Why it matters: The chart shows the renewed rise at the final 2000 point.
- 8. Describe a peak Original: Indonesia experienced the highest point Suggested revision: Indonesia's total peaked Why it matters: A numerical total peaks; a country does not experience a point.
- 9. Correct peak value Original: at almost 20,000 students Suggested revision: at about 26,000 students Why it matters: Indonesia's highest point is roughly 26,000, well above 20,000.
- 10. Describe the trend Original: after it fluctuated Suggested revision: after rising sharply Why it matters: Indonesia generally rose to its peak rather than fluctuating throughout that preceding span.
- 11. Use past reference Original: during the past 9 years Suggested revision: during the previous nine years Why it matters: Previous is the appropriate reference within a completed historical period.
- 12. Compare starting levels Original: started at different points Suggested revision: began at different levels Why it matters: Levels is the precise term for comparing numerical starting values.
Suggested Rewrites
- 18 year periods 18-year period
- the increasing number The numbers
- from at
- in 1982 about in 1982, at about
- Hong Kong reached a peak in 1998 Hong Kong peaked at about 19,000 in 1997
- before it fell and rose again before its figure fell and then rose again
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a recognisable structure and traces the four national trends in a generally understandable sequence. However, the overview is weak, several peaks and dates are inaccurate, and Malaysia and Singapore receive little numerical support; frequent grammatical and collocational errors also reduce precision. Prioritise an accurate overview of the overall rise and final ranking, then support each country with carefully selected values from the graph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies broad upward movement and some fluctuations, but the overview is not sufficiently informative and several key values and timings are inaccurate or omitted.
State the overall rise and Indonesia's clear final lead, then add accurate start, peak and end figures for all four countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and basic comparisons create a generally clear progression, although the final paragraph repeats rather than consolidates the main trends.
Organise the details into two coherent country groups and reserve the overview for the principal trends instead of repeating them at the end.
Lexical Resource
There is some useful trend vocabulary, but repetition and frequent inaccurate collocations such as remained steadily upwards and fell down limit precision.
Use controlled graph language such as rose steadily, peaked at, fell to and recovered to, with exact nouns for periods and figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles and clause construction are noticeable throughout.
Focus on complete clause patterns and consistent past-tense forms, especially it is clearly seen, the number increased and after it fell.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.