The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
At the glance, the line graph describes the number of international students from 4 countries (Indonesia, Hong Kong, Malaysia, and Singapore) in Australia within 18 years.
As can be seen vividly, that among all the international students from all of the countries increased significantly with various patterns for each country. Hong Kong, Singapore, as well as Indonesia, started at the same point in 1982 with no delegated students. However, Hong Kong and Singapore improved significantly reaching almost 25,000 and 18,000 respectively in 1998 while Indonesia increased un-smoothly occurring stagnancy from 1988 to 1989 and between 1992 and 1995.
Meanwhile, Malaysian students began with approximately 4,000 students and increased gradually to 18,000 students in 1998. Moreover, from 1998 to 2000, only Singapore continued the increase mostly 20,000 students while the others had a fluctuating trend. Furthermore, in 1998, except Hong Kong stood at the same level, 18,000 students.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix opening phrase Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The fixed expression uses “a,” not “the.”
- 2. Use graph verb Original: describes Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: “Shows” is the natural verb for presenting numerical data.
- 3. Spell out number Original: 4 Suggested revision: four Why it matters: Small numbers are conventionally written as words in formal prose.
- 4. Fix time phrase Original: in Australia within 18 years Suggested revision: in Australia over an 18-year period Why it matters: “Over” correctly expresses a period extending from 1982 to 2000.
- 5. Simplify the list Original: Hong Kong, Singapore, as well as Indonesia Suggested revision: Hong Kong, Singapore and Indonesia Why it matters: A simple coordinated list is clearer here.
- 6. Use data language Original: started at the same point Suggested revision: began at the same level Why it matters: “Level” is more precise for equal starting values on a graph.
- 7. Correct word choice Original: delegated Suggested revision: recorded Why it matters: “Delegated” does not describe the number represented by the graph.
- 8. Correct country series Original: Hong Kong and Singapore improved significantly reaching Suggested revision: Indonesia and Singapore increased significantly, reaching Why it matters: The line near 25,000 in 1998 represents Indonesia, not Hong Kong.
- 9. Use natural adverb Original: un-smoothly Suggested revision: unevenly Why it matters: “Unevenly” is the standard word for an irregular rise.
- 10. Describe plateaus Original: occurring stagnancy Suggested revision: with plateaus Why it matters: “With plateaus” accurately and naturally describes periods of no change.
- 11. Avoid repeated students Original: Malaysian students began Suggested revision: Malaysia began Why it matters: This avoids repeating “students” later in the same clause.
- 12. Fix verb pattern Original: only Singapore continued the increase Suggested revision: only Singapore continued to rise Why it matters: “Continued to rise” is the correct verb construction for a line.
Suggested Rewrites
- the a
- describes shows
- 4 four
- in Australia within 18 years in Australia over an 18-year period
- Hong Kong, Singapore, as well as Indonesia Hong Kong, Singapore and Indonesia
- started at the same point began at the same level
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s clearest strength is its attempt to cover all four countries and identify their common upward direction over the period. However, several series are misidentified—most notably the roughly 25,000 peak belongs to Indonesia rather than Hong Kong—and the final comparison is unclear, so the report does not reliably represent the graph. Prioritise matching each line to its legend and selecting a clear overview with accurate end-point comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses all four countries and notes overall growth, but several key values and trends are assigned to the wrong series and the overview lacks the leading pattern.
Trace each line from the legend before writing, then highlight Indonesia’s highest peak and the contrasting movements from 1998 to 2000 with accurate figures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and linking words provide a basic progression, but unclear sequencing and a confusing final sentence weaken the report’s coherence.
Use one overview followed by two detail paragraphs grouped by similar trends, and remove any sentence whose comparison is not explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic vocabulary for trends, but frequent unsuitable choices such as “delegated students,” “improved,” and “un-smoothly” reduce precision.
Use standard graph language such as student numbers, rose, levelled off, fluctuated, peaked, and fell.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent problems with sentence structure, articles, agreement, and clause formation sometimes obscure meaning.
Build shorter complete comparison sentences with a clear subject and verb, then check each clause for agreement and correct prepositions.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.