The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates information on students, which came from Indonesia, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singapore to Australia between 1982 and 2000.
The number of students, arrived from Malaysia from 1982 to 1993, steadily grew from about 500 to almost 10,000 students, meanwhile, the number of students in other countries dramatically has increased from approximately 2000 to 10 000 students. The number of foreign students from 1993 to 2000 fluctuated significantly between 10,000 students and less than 20,000, with the exception of students, arrived from Indonesia. There was seen rapid growth in a number of foreign students from Indonesia from 1993-1998, having reached its maximum of 26,000 students. There was a slight decrease in the number of students from Indonesia from 1998 to 2000, from 26,000 to approximately 23,000 students. There was a significant change in the amount of overseas students in 5 times in the period 1982 to 2000, except students from Malaysia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the measure Original: illustrates information on students Suggested revision: shows the numbers of students Why it matters: The graph presents student numbers rather than general information.
- 2. Fix participle Original: students, arrived from Malaysia Suggested revision: students arriving from Malaysia Why it matters: The participle should directly modify students without a comma.
- 3. Correct starting value Original: about 500 Suggested revision: about 5,000 Why it matters: The Malaysia line starts at roughly five thousand.
- 4. Correct 1993 value Original: almost 10,000 students Suggested revision: about 8,000 students Why it matters: Malaysia remains below ten thousand around 1993.
- 5. Clarify origin Original: students in other countries Suggested revision: students from the other countries Why it matters: The countries describe the students' places of residence.
- 6. Fix word order Original: dramatically has increased Suggested revision: increased dramatically Why it matters: The adverb should follow the verb here.
- 7. Avoid false grouping Original: from approximately 2000 to 10 000 students Suggested revision: from different starting levels to varying totals Why it matters: The other three series do not share these same endpoints.
- 8. Fix clause form Original: There was seen Suggested revision: There was Why it matters: The passive construction is ungrammatical.
- 9. Fix count phrase Original: in a number of foreign students Suggested revision: in the number of students Why it matters: Use the number of with a countable noun.
- 10. Fix date range Original: from 1993-1998 Suggested revision: from 1993 to 1998 Why it matters: A range beginning with from requires to.
- 11. Use graph term Original: its maximum Suggested revision: a peak Why it matters: Peak is the standard term for the highest point.
- 12. Use trend language Original: steadily grew Suggested revision: rose steadily Why it matters: Rose is the conventional verb for an upward graph trend.
Suggested Rewrites
- illustrates information on students shows the numbers of students
- students, arrived from Malaysia students arriving from Malaysia
- about 500 about 5,000
- almost 10,000 students about 8,000 students
- students in other countries students from the other countries
- dramatically has increased increased dramatically
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies Indonesia's exceptional late growth and attempts to summarise the broad upward trends, while the main message remains understandable. However, the overview is unclear, several starting values and cross-country generalisations are inaccurate, and the four series are not compared systematically. The highest priority is to establish an accurate overall pattern from the graph, then organise selected figures by country and period.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response notes Indonesia's peak and subsequent decline, but it lacks a clear overview and misreports Malaysia's starting value and the early figures for the other countries.
State the main pattern accurately, then compare the four lines using reliable values, including Malaysia's early lead and Indonesia's later dominance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a broadly chronological progression, although the dense second paragraph and loosely connected comparisons make relationships harder to follow.
Group the report into an overview and two comparative periods, using one clear sentence for each major cross-country relationship.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of trend language, but imprecise choices such as amount of students and change in five times weaken accuracy.
Use precise data-reporting collocations such as number of students, rose fivefold, peaked at, and remained below.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in relative clauses, participles, word order, articles, and prepositions reduce control.
Build accurate subject-verb clauses first and avoid faulty constructions such as students, arrived and there was seen.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.