The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The line graph depicts the percentage of senior citizens, who are older than 65 years, over a century in three countries, namely- the United States, Sweden and Japan, from 1940 and also gives projection till 2040. A glance at the graph makes it clear that Japan will have more percentage of the aged population in the future despite its fewer percentage of this population in the early 40s and one-fourth of the world population will be older people in 2040. The illustration shows that the average old population in 1940 was between 5 to 10 percent in all the three countries and the USA had the highest percentage of aged people while it was lowest in Japan. The ageing population in the USA grew steadily and reached up to 15% in the year 2000. It is expected to be doubled and reach nearly 25% in 2040. Similarly, in Sweden, the percentage of aged people grew from about 7% in 1940 to 15% in 2000 and is heading towards 25% in 2040. In contrast, the aged population in Japan remained the lowest, which was less than 5% until 2005 and expected to grow and reach the highest point, about 30 percentage, in 2040. The graph clearly reveals that the ratio of aged population will increase in 2040 and almost one of every four citizens in these three countries would be over 65 years old in 2040.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match age threshold Original: older than 65 years Suggested revision: aged 65 and over Why it matters: The graph includes people aged exactly 65 as well as those older.
- 2. Use exact span Original: over a century Suggested revision: over a 100-year period Why it matters: The graph covers the 100 years from 1940 to 2040.
- 3. Fix namely punctuation Original: namely- the United States Suggested revision: namely, the United States Why it matters: Namely is followed by a comma, not a hyphen.
- 4. Clarify time range Original: from 1940 and also gives projection till 2040 Suggested revision: from 1940 to 2040, including projections Why it matters: The revision gives a grammatical range and clearly identifies future data.
- 5. Use highest proportion Original: more percentage of the aged population Suggested revision: the highest proportion of older people Why it matters: Highest proportion is the natural comparative expression for percentage data.
- 6. Use lowest proportion Original: its fewer percentage Suggested revision: its lowest proportion Why it matters: Fewer cannot modify the uncountable noun percentage in this structure.
- 7. Use chart year Original: in the early 40s Suggested revision: in 1940 Why it matters: The graph provides a value at 1940, not a series across the early 1940s.
- 8. Name plotted measure Original: the average old population Suggested revision: the proportions of older people Why it matters: The graph plots separate national proportions, not one average population.
- 9. Fix range construction Original: between 5 to 10 percent Suggested revision: between 5% and 10% Why it matters: Between pairs with and, not to.
- 10. Remove unnecessary article Original: in all the three countries Suggested revision: in all three countries Why it matters: All directly determines the numeral phrase without the.
- 11. Refer to proportion Original: The ageing population in the USA Suggested revision: The proportion of older people in the USA Why it matters: The line shows a percentage, not the absolute ageing population.
- 12. Correct US trend timing Original: reached up to 15% in the year 2000 Suggested revision: reached about 15% in 1980 before easing to roughly 14% by 2000 Why it matters: The US line peaks near 15% around 1980 and is slightly lower in 2000.
Suggested Rewrites
- older than 65 years aged 65 and over
- over a century over a 100-year period
- namely- the United States namely, the United States
- from 1940 and also gives projection till 2040 from 1940 to 2040, including projections
- more percentage of the aged population the highest proportion of older people
- its fewer percentage its lowest proportion
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the central long-term pattern that Japan rises from the lowest starting point to the highest projected proportion and provides figures for all three countries. However, it inaccurately places the US level of 15% in 2000, overlooks important fluctuations, and wrongly refers to the world's population. The highest-priority improvement is to trace each line's turning points accurately and keep every generalisation limited to the three countries shown.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and the main endpoints are provided, but several data claims are inaccurate and intermediate rises, falls, and plateaus are insufficiently selected.
Report the US peak around 1980 and plateau near 14%, Sweden's fluctuations, and Japan's sharp late surge using accurate dates and values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses from an overview to country-specific details and a concluding comparison, but the single-paragraph presentation limits structural clarity.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs that compare earlier movements and projected changes.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for proportions and projections, but repeated awkward phrases such as more percentage and 30 percentage reduce precision.
Use natural forms such as a higher proportion, percentage points, was projected to reach, and people aged 65 and over.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning remains clear, though article, agreement, tense, preposition, and comparison errors occur regularly.
Check comparative noun phrases and future projections carefully, using consistent tense and complete clause structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.