The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the percentage of citizens who aged 65 or above in three various nations from 1940 to 2040.
Overall, it is clearly shown that the proportion of the population who aged 65 or above in the USA and Sweden increases from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops in between whereas that in Japan decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 before a sharp rise in the number of elderly people in that country.
Initially, in 1940, there was a higher percentage of older people living in the USA (just below 10%) than Sweden (around 7%), it was then followed by Japan with only 5%. In the USA, there was an increasing trend in the proportion of elderly people from 1940 to 1980 and decreased slightly. However, it is predicted that the figure for this will eventually rise until 2040. A similar pattern can also be observed for the result obtained in Sweden, the figure for the percentage of older people increases from 1940 to 2040 with two gradual dips from 1980 to 1990 and from 2010 to 2025.
Turning to Japan, it is apparent that there was a slight decline in the proportion of older people from 1940 to 1990 before it showed an upward trend. It is believed that the figure will soar dramatically from 2030 onwards and reached its peak in 2040. Lastly, Japan will become the country with most elderly people among the three nations and USA is the least.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use reduced relative clause Original: citizens who aged 65 or above Suggested revision: citizens aged 65 or above Why it matters: Aged functions as a past participle here, so who is unnecessary.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: three various nations Suggested revision: three different countries Why it matters: Different countries is the natural phrase for the three places shown.
- 3. Correct the age phrase Original: population who aged 65 or above Suggested revision: population aged 65 or above Why it matters: The reduced form aged 65 or above is grammatically correct.
- 4. Signal projected data Original: increases from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops in between Suggested revision: is projected to increase overall from 1940 to 2040, with some intervening declines Why it matters: Part of the period is forecast, and both series show overall growth with temporary falls.
- 5. Correct Japan's early trend Original: that in Japan decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 Suggested revision: the figure for Japan declines until about 1960 and then remains stable to 1980 Why it matters: The Japanese proportion falls early and then stays near 3% rather than declining throughout 1940–1980.
- 6. Complete the comparison Original: than Sweden Suggested revision: than in Sweden Why it matters: In is needed because percentages in two countries are being compared.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: the figure for this Suggested revision: the US figure Why it matters: The revised noun phrase identifies the country unambiguously.
- 8. State the forecast precisely Original: will eventually rise until 2040 Suggested revision: is projected to rise to about 23% by 2040 Why it matters: The graph shows a projected endpoint of roughly 23% for the USA.
- 9. Name the series directly Original: the result obtained in Sweden Suggested revision: Sweden Why it matters: The graph presents a national series, not an experimental result.
- 10. Correct the second dip Original: from 2010 to 2025 Suggested revision: from 2010 to about 2030 Why it matters: Sweden's second decline continues to approximately 2030 on the graph.
- 11. Correct Japan's timeline Original: from 1940 to 1990 Suggested revision: from 1940 to about 1960, followed by a long period of stability Why it matters: Japan falls to about 3% by 1960 and then remains nearly flat until around 1990.
- 12. Attribute the projection Original: It is believed that Suggested revision: The graph indicates that Why it matters: The revision attributes the forecast to the visual evidence.
Suggested Rewrites
- citizens who aged 65 or above citizens aged 65 or above
- three various nations three different countries
- population who aged 65 or above population aged 65 or above
- increases from 1940 to 2040 with slight drops in between is projected to increase overall from 1940 to 2040, with some intervening declines
- that in Japan decreases starting from 1940 to 1980 the figure for Japan declines until about 1960 and then remains stable to 1980
- than Sweden than in Sweden
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response provides a clear overview, correctly identifies the long-term direction in all three countries, and makes useful comparisons at the beginning and end of the period. Its main limitation is that most intermediate changes are described without supporting figures, while some timings are only approximate. The priority is to add a small set of accurate milestone values, especially for the projected Swedish decline and Japan’s post-2030 surge.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and principal national trends are accurate, with useful initial and final comparisons, although intermediate data are insufficiently quantified.
Support the main rises and falls with selected milestone figures, particularly Sweden’s peak and decline and Japan’s dramatic late increase.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized into an overview and country-focused paragraphs, and its progression is generally easy to follow.
Avoid comma splices and make each sentence carry one clearly sequenced comparison or trend.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend vocabulary is used, but several expressions such as “citizens who aged” and “result obtained” are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural chart phrases such as “people aged 65 and over,” “the proportion rose,” and “the figure is projected to reach.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring agreement, tense, article, and sentence-boundary errors reduce grammatical control.
Maintain consistent tense for historical and projected data and check agreement in relative clauses and comparative sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.