The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The presented line graph demonstrates proportion of senior citizen in the USA, Japan, and Sweden in a century period between 1940 and 2040. In general, there has been an increase of elder population in all countries observed since 1940 and is predicted to jump up gradually until 2040.
Looking at the detail, in Sweden, the population of seniors had gradually increased since 1940. It was about 7% in 1940 and has been improved gradually year to year.
Furthermore, it is forecasted that the proportion will keep growing and will hit nearly four times higher, about 25%, in 2040. On the other hand, the USA also showed a rise in the proportion of elderly. It was only started at about 9% in 1940 and has been swelled essentially and is predicted to hit 20% in 2014.
Meanwhile, Japan showed an incredible trend of proportion. It was about 5% in 1940 and slowly had declined until around 2005 when it reached almost the same figure as in 1940, and has been dramatically increased and will rise continually to over 5 times higher, around 27%, in 2040.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a chart verb Original: demonstrates Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Shows is the natural reporting verb for information presented in a graph.
- 2. Add article and plural Original: proportion of senior citizen Suggested revision: the proportion of senior citizens Why it matters: A specific proportion needs the article, and citizen must be plural here.
- 3. Fix time phrasing Original: in a century period Suggested revision: over a century Why it matters: Over a century is the natural expression for the duration shown.
- 4. Fix noun phrasing Original: increase of elder population Suggested revision: increase in the elderly population Why it matters: Use increase in for a rising quantity and elderly as the appropriate modifier.
- 5. Specify the countries Original: all countries observed Suggested revision: all three countries Why it matters: The revision is more direct and accurately identifies the number of series.
- 6. Describe the trend accurately Original: jump up gradually Suggested revision: rise overall Why it matters: The lines fluctuate and Japan rises sharply near the end, so the movement is not uniformly gradual.
- 7. Use the idiom correctly Original: detail Suggested revision: details Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the plural noun details.
- 8. Correct the tense Original: had gradually increased since 1940 Suggested revision: increased gradually from 1940 Why it matters: The past perfect is unnecessary because no later past reference point is established.
- 9. Use an intransitive verb Original: has been improved gradually Suggested revision: increased gradually Why it matters: A population proportion increases; it is not improved by an agent.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: year to year Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: Over time is the natural expression for this long-term trend.
- 11. State the endpoint clearly Original: will hit nearly four times higher, about 25% Suggested revision: will reach about 25% Why it matters: The graph supports the projected endpoint, while nearly four times higher is an inaccurate comparison.
- 12. Complete the noun phrase Original: proportion of elderly Suggested revision: proportion of elderly people Why it matters: Elderly needs a noun here to identify the population group.
Suggested Rewrites
- demonstrates shows
- proportion of senior citizen the proportion of senior citizens
- in a century period over a century
- increase of elder population increase in the elderly population
- all countries observed all three countries
- jump up gradually rise overall
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers all three countries and gives several broadly correct starting and projected figures, with a generally understandable country-by-country structure. However, the overview oversimplifies fluctuating trends, several dates and movements are inaccurate, and frequent tense, passive-form, and collocation errors weaken precision; the priority is to identify the major fluctuations and crossovers accurately before describing them in simpler, controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three countries are addressed, but the overview and several details misrepresent fluctuations, dates, and the shape of the trends.
Highlight Japan's initial decline and late surge, Sweden's fluctuations, and the final ranking, using dates and values checked against the graph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Country-by-country organisation gives the response a broadly clear progression, although paragraph division and linking are sometimes mechanical or awkward.
Group the overview separately and organise the details around meaningful comparisons rather than splitting Sweden's description across paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant trend vocabulary is attempted, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as improved, swelled, and incredible trend weaken precision.
Use dependable graph phrases such as rose, fell, remained stable, fluctuated, and was projected to reach.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors with articles, tense, agreement, and passive constructions reduce control.
Prefer accurate active forms such as the proportion rose and was projected to reach, and check each sentence's subject and verb.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.