The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the aged people of Sweden, the USA and Japan from 1940 and gives projection till 2040. As is observed from the line graph, initially in 1940, the proportion of aged people who were over 64 years old was between 5 to 10 percent. This rate kept on increasing in the USA and Sweden while decreased in Japan. After 40 years in 1989, this percentage was around 15% both in Sweden and the USA while it was only 2-3% in Japan. The more the aged people in a country the better the life expectancy and medical improvement and this indicated the improvement in the USA and Sweden while downgrade trend in Japan. But after 2000, the rate of aged people in Japan kept increasing sharply and it is projected that in 2040 the number of aged people would surplus the number in Sweden and the USA though these latter two countries would also have more aged people in this coming years they have now. This also forecasts the life expectancy and medical advancement in Japan after 2030.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe proportions accurately Original: compares the aged people Suggested revision: compares the proportions of people aged 65 and over Why it matters: The graph compares percentages of a defined age group, not people themselves.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: projection Suggested revision: projections Why it matters: The graph contains projected values for several countries and years.
- 3. Use formal range wording Original: till Suggested revision: to Why it matters: “To” is the more concise formal endpoint marker here.
- 4. Fix range structure Original: to Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The correlative construction is “between … and,” not “between … to.”
- 5. Avoid continuous-rise claim Original: This rate kept on increasing Suggested revision: These proportions generally increased Why it matters: The USA and Sweden both show periods of decline, so neither rises continuously.
- 6. Add missing subject Original: while decreased in Japan Suggested revision: while it decreased in Japan Why it matters: The subordinate clause requires the subject “it.”
- 7. Correct the year Original: After 40 years in 1989 Suggested revision: After 40 years, in 1980, Why it matters: Forty years after 1940 is 1980, which is the labelled point shown.
- 8. Distinguish the values Original: around 15% both in Sweden and the USA Suggested revision: about 14% in Sweden and 15% in the USA Why it matters: The graph shows slightly different values for the two countries around 1980.
- 9. Use the plotted estimate Original: only 2-3% in Japan Suggested revision: about 3% in Japan Why it matters: The Japanese line is approximately 3% at this point.
- 10. Name the measure Original: the rate of aged people Suggested revision: the proportion of people aged 65 and over Why it matters: The vertical axis reports a population proportion, not a rate of people.
- 11. Correct trend timing Original: kept increasing sharply Suggested revision: rose gradually before increasing sharply after 2030 Why it matters: Japan increases slowly until roughly 2030 and then climbs steeply.
- 12. Correct measure and verb Original: the number of aged people would surplus the number Suggested revision: Japan's proportion will exceed those Why it matters: The graph projects proportions, and “exceed” is the correct verb for the comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- compares the aged people compares the proportions of people aged 65 and over
- projection projections
- till to
- to and
- This rate kept on increasing These proportions generally increased
- while decreased in Japan while it decreased in Japan
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response recognises the broad early contrast and the key projection that Japan will overtake Sweden and the USA by 2040. However, it gives no sufficiently focused overview, misdates the 1980 comparison, and devotes substantial space to unsupported claims about life expectancy and medical progress. The priority is to report only visible proportions and trends, including the different fluctuations and projected end values, with clearer sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main long-term direction is partly captured, but key fluctuations and values are omitted while unsupported causal interpretations replace visual description.
Provide an objective overview stating that all three proportions ultimately rise, with Japan projected to surge from the lowest level to the highest by 2040.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly chronological sequence, but a single dense block and a long final sentence weaken the clarity of progression.
Use a distinct overview and separate past-data and projection paragraphs, each with shorter comparative sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant trend vocabulary, but frequent imprecise choices such as aged people, downgrade trend, and surplus the number reduce accuracy.
Use proportion of people aged 65 and over, downward trend, overtake, and percentage points consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in verb forms, comparison structures, articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Rewrite the projection sentence into two complete clauses and check forms such as decreased, would surpass, these coming years, and than they have now.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.