The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Sample Response
The graph compares the growth of population aged 65 and over in Japan, Sweden, and America from 1940 to 2040. According to the graph, it can be clearly seen that although initially Japan’s ageing population ratio was lower than that of Sweden and USA and will remain so till 2030. But it is predicted that elder people’s percentage in Japan will increases significantly afterwards.
Based on the graph, between 1940 and 1980, Japan’s elderly population remained below 5% of total population in contrast to Sweden and USA. Senior citizens in later two countries grew gradually above 10% respective to the overall population. When Sweden and USA’s elderly population percentages slightly dropped in 1990, Japan started to show an increase in its population aged 65 and over. Further, In 2010, elderly people in Sweden and Japan rose to 20% and 7% respectively while USA’s percentage remained the same i.e. 15% in that period. Despite Sweden’s temporary drop, the population of elders will keep going up dramatically, particularly after 2020 and will peak in 2040. After 2030 Japan’s elderly population percentage will grow more than double to above 25% and that will place Japan in the highest position in terms of senior citizen ratio followed by Sweden (25%) and USA (23%).
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe the measured proportion Original: growth of population aged 65 and over Suggested revision: proportion of the population aged 65 and over Why it matters: The graph measures population shares rather than population growth.
- 2. Include the initial value Original: below 5% of total population Suggested revision: at or below 5% of the total population Why it matters: Japan begins at approximately 5% in 1940 before falling below that level.
- 3. Add definite article Original: in contrast to Sweden and USA Suggested revision: in contrast to Sweden and the USA Why it matters: The country name USA normally requires the definite article.
- 4. Clarify shared possession Original: When Sweden and USA’s elderly population percentages Suggested revision: When the elderly population percentages in Sweden and the USA Why it matters: The revised structure clearly assigns the percentages to both countries.
- 5. Report the timing carefully Original: slightly dropped in 1990 Suggested revision: dipped slightly around 1990 Why it matters: The lines decline over a period around 1990 rather than at one exact point for both countries.
- 6. Use concise trend language Original: Japan started to show an increase Suggested revision: Japan began a gradual rise Why it matters: The revision expresses the same trend more directly and naturally.
- 7. Fix linking and capitalization Original: Further, In 2010 Suggested revision: Furthermore, in 2010 Why it matters: Furthermore is the appropriate linker, and in should not be capitalized after the comma.
- 8. Make percentages the subject Original: elderly people in Sweden and Japan rose to 20% and 7% respectively Suggested revision: the proportions in Sweden and Japan rose to about 20% and 7%, respectively Why it matters: Proportions, rather than people, rise to percentage values, and respectively needs a preceding comma.
- 9. Add definite article Original: USA’s percentage Suggested revision: the USA’s percentage Why it matters: USA requires the definite article in this possessive construction.
- 10. Correct the US figure Original: i.e. 15% Suggested revision: at approximately 14% Why it matters: The US line is about 14% in 2010 rather than 15%.
- 11. Add introductory comma Original: After 2030 Japan’s Suggested revision: After 2030, Japan’s Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory time phrase.
- 12. Fix doubling expression Original: will grow more than double Suggested revision: will more than double Why it matters: More than double functions as the verb phrase and does not take grow before it.
Suggested Rewrites
- growth of population aged 65 and over proportion of the population aged 65 and over
- below 5% of total population at or below 5% of the total population
- in contrast to Sweden and USA in contrast to Sweden and the USA
- When Sweden and USA’s elderly population percentages When the elderly population percentages in Sweden and the USA
- slightly dropped in 1990 dipped slightly around 1990
- Japan started to show an increase Japan began a gradual rise
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately captures the long-term patterns, including Japan's initially low share, Sweden's temporary decline, and Japan's projected surge to the highest level by 2040. The main weakness is grammatical and lexical control: many phrases confuse people with proportions, and agreement or sentence-boundary errors recur. Prioritise making percentages the grammatical subject and distinguishing clearly between historical data and future projections.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and well-selected figures accurately explain the major past and projected changes in all three countries.
Refine the 2010 figures as approximations and explicitly note that the United States remains broadly stable at about 14% until around 2020.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a focused overview and a logical chronological account with comparisons across the three countries.
Avoid splitting the overview's contrast into an incomplete 'although' sentence followed by 'But', and use clearer transitions between observed and projected periods.
Lexical Resource
A sufficient range of trend language is used, but several expressions for older people and population shares are awkward or imprecise.
Prefer 'the proportion aged 65 and over', 'rose gradually', and 'Japan is projected to have the highest share'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are attempted, but agreement, sentence fragments, articles, possessives, and subject selection cause frequent errors.
Write complete structures such as 'Although Japan's figure was initially the lowest, it is projected to rise sharply after 2030'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.