The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The given pictures illustrate the various developments of West Park Secondary School from 1950 to 2010. Overall, it is clear that the main road remained in place over the given period of time and It is also apparent that the school was developed and increased in size while areas of the sports field and playground decreased.
To begin, there were three rows of houses in 1950 which were converted into car parking lot and science block in 1980. There was farmland near the houses in 1950 but it was altered into a sports field in 1980. The sports field was then being replaced by a bigger area for car parking in 2010.
Furthermore, the school in 1950 had one large block which later on took an additional block called science block. After the emergence of the science block, there was no place for housing. The playground area remained unchanged from 1950 to 1980 but was reduced in size as the remaining area was used as a sports field in 2010.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise map term Original: developments Suggested revision: changes Why it matters: Changes is more precise for comparing the three school layouts.
- 2. Correct capitalization Original: It Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun should not be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
- 3. Use concise verb Original: was developed and increased in size Suggested revision: expanded Why it matters: Expanded expresses the change more naturally and concisely.
- 4. Correct map detail Original: three rows of houses Suggested revision: three houses Why it matters: The 1950 map shows three houses in one row, not three rows.
- 5. Add articles Original: car parking lot and science block Suggested revision: a car park and a science block Why it matters: Both singular countable nouns require articles here.
- 6. Use natural verb Original: later on took Suggested revision: later gained Why it matters: A school gains or adds a block rather than takes one.
- 7. Add definite article Original: called science block Suggested revision: called the science block Why it matters: The named block requires the definite article in this construction.
- 8. Name the visuals Original: given pictures Suggested revision: three maps Why it matters: Three maps identifies the visual format more precisely than pictures.
- 9. Name all snapshots Original: from 1950 to 2010 Suggested revision: in 1950, 1980 and 2010 Why it matters: The visual presents three specific layouts rather than continuous annual data.
- 10. Make phrasing concise Original: over the given period of time Suggested revision: throughout the period Why it matters: Throughout the period conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 11. Describe size naturally Original: areas of the sports field and playground decreased Suggested revision: both the sports field and playground became smaller Why it matters: Areas decreased is an awkward way to describe the two facilities shrinking.
- 12. Use accurate change verb Original: which were converted into Suggested revision: which were replaced by Why it matters: The houses were removed and replaced rather than converted into other structures.
Suggested Rewrites
- developments changes
- It it
- was developed and increased in size expanded
- three rows of houses three houses
- car parking lot and science block a car park and a science block
- later on took later gained
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview and logically traces the main site changes across the three years, with most locations described accurately. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision, particularly the claim that the sports field was replaced rather than partly reduced and relocated, alongside several awkward grammatical and lexical choices. Prioritise exact spatial descriptions of what was retained, converted, expanded, or moved.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and generally accurate coverage identify the major developments across all three maps.
Describe the 2010 change more precisely by explaining that the car park expanded over most of the former sports field while a smaller field occupied part of the playground.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from an overview to grouped descriptions of the western and eastern parts of the site.
Use more specific comparative links between years instead of relying on general openers such as 'To begin' and 'Furthermore'.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently varied vocabulary describes change with terms such as 'converted', 'altered', and 'reduced', despite a few awkward collocations.
Choose more natural phrases such as 'a car park was added' and 'the school gained a science block'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the changes clearly, though article use and verb forms are not consistently controlled.
Review articles and aspect in phrases such as 'a car park' and 'was partly replaced' to improve grammatical accuracy.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.