The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The maps illustrate the development and alteration that have happened at West Park Secondary School since it was first built in 1950. The school building and the main road have not changed throughout the years. Houses to the left of the school were removed in 1980 and the car park with the science blocks was constructed next to the school instead. Farmland at the left bottom of the map was taken up by school and developed into a sports field for children in 1980. However, in 2010 the car park was increased in size and took the whole area of the field. Subsequently, as there was a need for sports, the huge area of playground situated at the right bottom corner have been cut by one-third and replaced by a sports field. In brief, the area for the past 60 years has been profoundly changed and optimised for the schools’ various needs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise change phrase Original: development and alteration that have happened Suggested revision: changes that have taken place Why it matters: The revision describes map developments naturally and concisely.
- 2. Separate new facilities Original: the car park with the science blocks was constructed Suggested revision: a car park and science block were constructed Why it matters: The map shows two separate additions, and the compound subject requires a plural verb.
- 3. Use location compound Original: at the left bottom of the map Suggested revision: in the bottom-left of the map Why it matters: 'In the bottom-left' is the natural expression for this mapped position.
- 4. Add school article Original: taken up by school Suggested revision: taken over by the school Why it matters: The institution requires the article 'the', and 'taken over' naturally describes the land conversion.
- 5. Use concise expansion verb Original: the car park was increased in size Suggested revision: the car park was expanded Why it matters: The single verb states the same spatial change more directly.
- 6. Correct expansion extent Original: took the whole area of the field Suggested revision: occupied most of the former sports field Why it matters: The 2010 map retains a smaller sports field, so the car park did not take its entire area.
- 7. Use singular possessive Original: the schools’ various needs Suggested revision: the school's various needs Why it matters: The report concerns one school, so the singular possessive is required.
- 8. Remove redundant first Original: since it was first built in 1950 Suggested revision: since it was built in 1950 Why it matters: The construction date already identifies the school's beginning, so 'first' is redundant.
- 9. Use map direction Original: Houses to the left of the school Suggested revision: The houses west of the school Why it matters: A compass direction describes the mapped location more precisely than a page-relative phrase.
- 10. Specify demolition Original: removed Suggested revision: demolished Why it matters: 'Demolished' precisely describes the removal of buildings shown between the maps.
- 11. Delete unnecessary instead Original: next to the school instead Suggested revision: next to the school Why it matters: The preceding clause already establishes the replacement, so 'instead' is unnecessary here.
- 12. Use neutral map wording Original: developed into a sports field for children Suggested revision: converted into a sports field Why it matters: The revision reports the land-use change directly without adding an unsupported user group.
Suggested Rewrites
- development and alteration that have happened changes that have taken place
- the car park with the science blocks was constructed a car park and science block were constructed
- at the left bottom of the map in the bottom-left of the map
- taken up by school taken over by the school
- the car park was increased in size the car park was expanded
- took the whole area of the field occupied most of the former sports field
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report covers the principal stages of the school's development and gives a useful overview by identifying the unchanged road and main building. Its main limitation is a factual overstatement that the enlarged car park occupied the whole former sports field, whereas part of that area remained available alongside the relocated, smaller field. The highest-priority improvement is to describe the 2010 layout more precisely and organise the overview and details into separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most major changes across 1950, 1980, and 2010 are selected accurately, with an overview of the fixed features, despite one inaccurate claim about the enlarged car park.
Clarify that the car park expanded southward over most of the former sports-field area while a smaller sports field replaced part of the playground.
Coherence and Cohesion
The chronological sequence is easy to follow and linking is generally effective, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph limits structural clarity.
Separate the unchanged features and overall transformation from the detailed changes in 1980 and 2010.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range for describing maps and change, although phrases such as 'left bottom' and 'taken up by school' are awkward.
Use precise location and change language such as 'in the southwest', 'was converted into', 'expanded', and 'was reduced in size'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is used, but agreement and possessive errors appear in several sentences.
Correct forms such as 'the playground area has been reduced' and 'the school's changing needs', and ensure compound subjects take plural verbs.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.