The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The provided diagram shows the changes West Park Secondary School has undergone since it was first established in 1950.
As is presented, the school has gone through some major changes and has also remained the same since 1950. When looking at the diagrams, you can see that the main school building has not changed at all. There was an additional building added on in 1980 called the Science block which was added to accommodate the increase in student enrolments, which it was not anticipating. The only other major changes have been to its surroundings. According to the school’s layout diagram of the year 2010, there has been an increase in the size of the car park compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram. When deciding to increase the school car park area, certain school facilities had to be sacrificed, for instance, the sports field is a third of its size compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram. The playground was also downsized by a quarter of its original size in 1950 and 1980.
My conclusion is that these changes had to be done in order to accommodate a major increase in enrolments of students since its establishment in 1950 and maybe also due to the growth in population and developments in their area.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: first established Suggested revision: established Why it matters: 'Established' already indicates the first creation of the school.
- 2. Use concise reporting Original: has gone through some major changes Suggested revision: has undergone major changes Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and appropriate for a formal map report.
- 3. Specify retained features Original: has also remained the same Suggested revision: has also retained some features Why it matters: The site did not remain wholly the same; only features such as the main building and road were retained.
- 4. Use objective reporting Original: When looking at the diagrams, you can see Suggested revision: The diagrams show Why it matters: The replacement avoids addressing the reader and reports the visual directly.
- 5. Remove double passive Original: There was an additional building added on Suggested revision: An additional building was constructed Why it matters: The original clause redundantly combines 'there was' with 'added'.
- 6. Remove invented purpose Original: to accommodate the increase in student enrolments, which it was not anticipating Suggested revision: on part of the former housing area Why it matters: The map shows the science block's location but gives no reason related to unexpected enrolment.
- 7. Use precise change verb Original: major changes have been to its surroundings Suggested revision: major changes have occurred in the surrounding areas Why it matters: The replacement clearly locates the changes around the main building.
- 8. Use concise date phrase Original: layout diagram of the year 2010 Suggested revision: 2010 layout Why it matters: The shorter form is clear and avoids unnecessary wording.
- 9. Fix year modifier Original: the car park compared to the 1980’s school layout diagram Suggested revision: the car park compared with the 1980 school layout Why it matters: A year used as a noun modifier does not take an apostrophe, and 'compared with' is natural here.
- 10. Remove unsupported agent Original: When deciding to increase Suggested revision: To increase Why it matters: The visual shows a change but does not identify any decision-making process.
- 11. Use concise facility name Original: school car park area Suggested revision: school car park Why it matters: 'Area' is redundant after the named facility.
- 12. Report visible reduction Original: certain school facilities had to be sacrificed Suggested revision: the sports field and playground were reduced Why it matters: The maps show reduced areas but do not establish that sacrificing them was necessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- first established established
- has gone through some major changes has undergone major changes
- has also remained the same has also retained some features
- When looking at the diagrams, you can see The diagrams show
- There was an additional building added on An additional building was constructed
- to accommodate the increase in student enrolments, which it was not anticipating on part of the former housing area
Why this response received Band 6.0
The report clearly notes the unchanged main building and the later expansion of the car park, sports-field reduction, and smaller playground. Its main limitation is incomplete and partly speculative coverage: it omits how houses and farmland were replaced in 1980 and invents enrolment and population reasons that the maps do not show. The highest priority is an objective, chronological account of every major land-use replacement across the three years.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Several visible changes are described, but major 1950-to-1980 replacements are omitted and unsupported explanations for the developments are introduced.
Report that the houses became a car park and science block and the farmland became a sports field, without speculating about enrolment or population.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a broadly chronological progression with a clear introduction and overview, although the main paragraph is repetitive and unevenly focused.
Use one paragraph for the 1950-to-1980 changes and another for the 1980-to-2010 changes, linking locations consistently.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing maps and change, with some useful variation, but repetition and imprecise phrasing reduce flexibility.
Use concise change verbs such as replaced, converted, expanded, and reduced instead of repeatedly referring to the layout diagram.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the main ideas, but awkward relative clauses, repetition, punctuation, and possessive errors recur.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check relative clauses and decade forms, using 1980 rather than the possessive 1980's.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.