The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Sample Response
The presented diagrams illustrate the changes the West Park Secondary School has undergone since its establishment in 1950. Overall, it is evident that the school area was expanded and the areas for the playground and sports field contracted. As can be seen from the diagrams, the first time different modifications were made to the school ground was in 1980, when a new car park and science block were constructed where a group of residential houses used to be. The nearby farmland was also converted into a sports field. In 2010, the most significant alteration to the school territory was the enlargement of the parking spot, which then covered the entire old sports field. In addition, the size of the playground had been reduced to make room for a new sports field. To summarise, over the years West Park Secondary School has built and expanded some new facilities, such as the car park and science block, but at the same time, its playground and sports field have been reduced in size.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove definite article Original: the West Park Secondary School Suggested revision: West Park Secondary School Why it matters: A named school does not take 'the' in this sentence.
- 2. Describe facilities accurately Original: the school area was expanded Suggested revision: the school facilities were expanded Why it matters: The site area did not expand; facilities were added or enlarged within the same boundaries.
- 3. Use plural grounds Original: the school ground was Suggested revision: the school grounds were Why it matters: 'School grounds' is the conventional expression for the surrounding site.
- 4. Remove redundant modifier Original: residential houses Suggested revision: houses Why it matters: Houses are residential by definition, so the modifier is redundant.
- 5. Name mapped facility Original: enlargement of the parking spot Suggested revision: enlargement of the car park Why it matters: The map labels a car park, while a parking spot normally means one vehicle space.
- 6. Use simple past Original: the playground had been reduced Suggested revision: the playground was reduced Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient for the change shown at the 2010 stage.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: To summarise, over the years West Park Secondary School has built and expanded some new facilities, such as the car park and science block, but at the same time, its playground and sports field have been reduced in size. Suggested revision: To summarise, over the years, facilities such as the car park and science block have been built or expanded at West Park Secondary School, while the playground and sports field have been reduced in size. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the school's agency, improves the verb pairing, and presents the contrast more clearly.
- 8. Include unchanged features Suggested revision: Add that the main road and the main school building remained in the same positions throughout the period. Why it matters: These persistent features provide a useful contrast with the substantial changes elsewhere on the site.
Suggested Rewrites
- the West Park Secondary School West Park Secondary School
- the school area was expanded the school facilities were expanded
- the school ground was the school grounds were
- residential houses houses
- enlargement of the parking spot enlargement of the car park
- the playground had been reduced the playground was reduced
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear overview and accurately traces the school's major changes from 1950 through 1980 to 2010, including the replacement of houses and farmland and the later expansion of parking. Its strongest feature is precise, economical selection of all significant alterations. The main refinement is to note unchanged features explicitly and use slightly more exact map terminology for the car park and school grounds.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and chronological details accurately cover all major conversions and reductions, with only the unchanged main road and main school building left implicit.
Add one concise comparison noting that the road and main building remained in place throughout the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses smoothly from overview through the 1980 and 2010 changes to a concise synthesis, although all content appears in one paragraph.
Separate the overview from the chronological details to make the already clear structure easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, accurate, and appropriately concise for a map report, with only minor choices such as 'parking spot' sounding less precise.
Use consistent map terms such as 'car park,' 'school grounds,' 'converted into,' and 'remained unchanged.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of structures is used accurately, with only minor article and tense choices that do not affect clarity.
Refine the opening article use and prefer simple past for completed 2010 changes unless an earlier past reference requires past perfect.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram shows the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.