For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter: - state what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this - give details on how you have benefited from the club - explain why you want to leave
Same question Compare 4 different answersSample Response
Dear Mr Nielsen, I am writing in regard to the cancellation of my membership at the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers club. I have been a Platinum Plus member since 2020, and I have received numerous benefits. I have decided to cancel my membership as I will migrate to Australia soon. This club has been a great help to me. As a member, I have learned many things through seminars conducted by our society. I have also met professionals within our group and received useful career advice from them. My payments are up to date and I enclose a copy of my payment records which I made through an affiliated bank. With regards to my decision to leave the club, a year ago I applied for residency in Australia, and last week I received the 'Approval Visa'. Under the circumstances, I have to cancel my membership as I will leave the country next month. I now seek your accreditation as I am interested in joining a similar group in Australia, and they might ask for a reference. I might, therefore, request a reference from you in the near future. Thank you in advance and my best wishes for its members. Yours sincerely, Joel Calderon
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: in regard to Suggested revision: regarding Why it matters: “Regarding” states the purpose more directly and formally.
- 2. Improve club reference Original: membership at the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers club Suggested revision: membership of the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers Why it matters: The revision uses a more natural preposition and avoids adding the redundant word “club” to the organisation’s name.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: migrate Suggested revision: move Why it matters: “Move” is the more natural verb for describing the writer’s personal relocation.
- 4. Keep naming consistent Original: seminars conducted by our society Suggested revision: seminars organised by the club Why it matters: Referring consistently to the organisation as “the club” improves clarity.
- 5. Fix fixed expression Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard fixed expression is “with regard to,” without a plural noun.
- 6. Use the correct term Original: 'Approval Visa' Suggested revision: visa approval Why it matters: “Visa approval” naturally describes the decision the writer received.
- 7. Request the right document Original: accreditation Suggested revision: written confirmation of my membership Why it matters: “Accreditation” does not mean evidence of an individual’s club membership.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: My payments are up to date and I enclose a copy of my payment records which I made through an affiliated bank. Suggested revision: My payments are up to date, and I enclose records showing that I paid through an affiliated bank. Why it matters: The rewrite prevents the relative clause from incorrectly suggesting that the payment records themselves were made through the bank.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Thank you in advance and my best wishes for its members. Suggested revision: Thank you in advance, and please extend my best wishes to the club’s members. Why it matters: The revision supplies a verb for the second clause and gives “its” a clear referent.
- 10. Add paragraph breaks Suggested revision: Separate the purpose, membership and payment details, benefits, reason for leaving, and reference request into short logical paragraphs. Why it matters: The single continuous block makes the letter’s distinct functions harder to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- in regard to regarding
- membership at the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers club membership of the Philippine Society of Mechanical Engineers
- migrate move
- seminars conducted by our society seminars organised by the club
- regards regard
- 'Approval Visa' visa approval
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly communicates the cancellation and gives useful detail about the membership, benefits, payment, and forthcoming move, with its strongest feature being the well-developed account of professional benefits. The main limitation is that the response is presented as one dense block and includes several imprecise formal expressions. Paragraph the distinct purposes and replace awkward choices such as "accreditation" with exact language about requesting a reference.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are covered with relevant detail, and the formal tone is generally appropriate.
Keep the possible reference request shorter so the central purpose of ending the membership remains dominant.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a sensible sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks makes the different communicative purposes less easy to scan.
Use separate paragraphs for the cancellation and membership details, the benefits, and the reason for leaving.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of formal and topic-specific vocabulary, although some choices are imprecise or unnatural.
Use "confirmation of membership" or "a reference" instead of "accreditation," and simplify awkward formal phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled with generally good control, though several local phrasing and modifier problems reduce precision.
Revise structures such as "payment records which I made" so relative clauses clearly modify the intended noun.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. Write a letter to the club secretary. In your letter:
- state what type of membership you have and how you have paid for this
- give details on how you have benefited from the club
- explain why you want to leave
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.