You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter: - describe the situation - explain your problems and why it is difficult to work - say what kind of accommodation you would prefer
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to raise concerns aboutexpress my difficulties regarding sharing a room with another college student. My room number is 505, located on level five of the East Apartment. Firstly, it is extremely difficult to focus because my roommate frequently hosts late-night partieswhile they keep having parties at night. As I major in medicine, I require a lot of quiet study time; however, my roommate is a frequent socialiser who does not seem to have an interest ina focus on achieving good grades.
Secondly, they have the habit of taking my groceries from the shared fridge, which is made worse by their persistent denial. I would kindly suggest that you look intosuggest you to look into this issue as it has caused a great deal of distressdifficulties in my life.
I would prefer to have my roommate relocated to another room. Alternatively, I would be willing towould love to move out to a single-bedroomsingle bedroom accommodation myself. In addition, I would prefer a room on a higher floor compared to my old room as I suppose that would eliminate the noise.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Vincent
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter clearly addresses all prompt requirements with a well-maintained formal tone and logical organization. The main limitation lies in minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as non-standard verb patterns. To elevate the overall standard, refine verb structures after reporting verbs and incorporate more sophisticated lexical choices to describe complex situations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter fully addresses all parts of the task with clear development, relevant details, and an appropriate semi-formal tone throughout.
Ensure all supporting details directly expand on the primary issue to make the purpose even more impactful.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with smooth transitions and clear progression between points.
Vary cohesive devices beyond basic sequential markers like 'firstly' and 'secondly' to create a more natural flow.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used accurately to convey specific problems and preferences.
Incorporate more precise collocations and higher-level academic or formal vocabulary where suitable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence structures is produced with good control, alongside a few minor grammatical inaccuracies.
Pay close attention to verb patterns, particularly avoiding object pronouns directly after verbs like 'suggest'.