You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter: - introduce yourself - explain what experience and special skills you have - tell him/her when you think you can start
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to express my interest in a part-time job position as a team staff at your football club, which you advertised in a local newspaper a couple of days ago. I was born and raised in this town, and I graduated from ACME university about a couple of years ago. Having graduated in Economics, I held one full-time job as an Assistant Manager at a local brokerage firm, and a part-time job at a restaurant. But unfortunately, none of these jobs really went well with my personality. Anyway, I really enjoy football. In the past, as a university student, I was put in charge to co-ordinate inter-university tournaments. Besides, I have also taken a course in Nutrition and Personal Training certification which would allow me to offer some important nutritional and health tips to the footballers of your club. By the way, I have a very outgoing personality, and I can start as soon as you ask me to. Therefore, based on my skills and credentials, I surely like to believe that I would be able to render excellent service to your club as a part-time staff. Yours faithfully, Nuwan Joshua
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: part-time job position Suggested revision: part-time position Why it matters: 'Job' and 'position' duplicate the same meaning here.
- 2. Fix count noun Original: as a team staff Suggested revision: as a member of your team Why it matters: 'Staff' is not normally used as a singular count noun in this structure.
- 3. Capitalize proper name Original: university Suggested revision: University Why it matters: 'University' is part of the institution's proper name and requires a capital letter.
- 4. Remove redundant qualifier Original: about a couple of years ago Suggested revision: a couple of years ago Why it matters: 'About' is redundant because 'a couple of years' already gives an approximate time.
- 5. Clarify qualification Original: Having graduated in Economics Suggested revision: After graduating with a degree in economics Why it matters: This phrasing states the qualification and time relationship more naturally.
- 6. Use professional wording Original: one full-time job Suggested revision: a full-time position Why it matters: 'Position' is more natural when describing relevant employment experience.
- 7. Use lowercase title Original: Assistant Manager Suggested revision: assistant manager Why it matters: A generic job title is lowercase when it does not directly precede a person's name.
- 8. Use formal transition Original: But unfortunately Suggested revision: However Why it matters: 'However' creates a more appropriate transition in a formal application letter.
- 9. Fix collocation Original: went well with my personality Suggested revision: suited my personality Why it matters: 'Suited my personality' is the natural collocation for compatibility with a job.
- 10. Link ideas formally Original: Anyway Suggested revision: More importantly Why it matters: 'Anyway' is conversational and does not clearly signal why football is relevant to the application.
- 11. Fix verb pattern Original: was put in charge to co-ordinate Suggested revision: was put in charge of coordinating Why it matters: The phrase 'in charge' takes 'of' followed by a gerund.
- 12. Use formal linker Original: Besides Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: 'Furthermore' is a more suitable addition marker in this formal letter.
Suggested Rewrites
- part-time job position part-time position
- as a team staff as a member of your team
- university University
- about a couple of years ago a couple of years ago
- Having graduated in Economics After graduating with a degree in economics
- one full-time job a full-time position
Why this response received Band 6.5
The application communicates its purpose clearly and gives relevant evidence of organisational, nutritional, and interpersonal skills, while also stating immediate availability. Its main limitation is presentation as one continuous paragraph, compounded by conversational transitions that weaken the professional register. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the content into clear functional paragraphs and use consistently formal linking language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are addressed with relevant detail, although some comments about previous jobs and the conversational tone are less suitable for an application.
Keep the focus on positive suitability and replace casual phrases such as conversational asides with a consistently professional register.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, but the single-paragraph format and mechanical transitions limit clarity and cohesion.
Divide the letter into paragraphs for the application purpose, experience and skills, and availability or closing.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of employment and football-related vocabulary, but several collocations and word forms are imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as staff member, was put in charge of coordinating, and personal-training qualification.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is generally controlled, with occasional errors in articles, prepositions, and clause construction.
Review the grammatical patterns that follow phrases such as in charge and qualify each singular job role with an appropriate article or noun.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You are looking for a part-time job at a football club. Write a letter to the manager of the football club. In your letter:
- introduce yourself
- explain what experience and special skills you have
- tell him/her when you think you can start
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.