Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A society is an amalgamation of different people with different cultures. The impact on a society depends on the influence of various people with different cultures. Societies have a bigger impact with the effect of foreign investments and tourism, foreign businesses being globalisation involves businesses from different foreign countries to be established in different parts of the world.
Setting up of a native firm in another country creates an atmosphere of sharing; the sharing of businesses involving manufacturing units in other parts provides opportunities to various people in a society. For instance, people coming in other countries due to globalisation directly impact their culture by the way of their lives and lifestyle. Due to globalisation people would have options to choose wide verities of products they need. If we consider the impact of globalisation, people in one country have the choice to taste other products of another world, this way globalisation helps in having a diversified culture in a society.
Secondly, the impact of the relationship with international tourism if elucidated can have a wide role in the society too, tourism makes different people of different cultures to different areas. The people in the tourism-dominated areas are definitely affected by the lifestyle of the foreigners, the people in tourism-dominated areas try to imitate and follow the lifestyle and they also try to learn the languages spoken by them. For example, people living in a tourism-dominated area like Kerala in India, people can understand English and are conversant with the language, this is mainly due to the influence of tourism in that area.
To conclude it is my strong opinion that societies benefit from the relationship with international businesses and tourism but the benefit should be limited to the transposition of good aspects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix nominal phrase Original: Setting up of a native firm Suggested revision: The establishment of a domestic firm Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article, and “establishment” is the natural formal form.
- 2. Clarify exchange idea Original: an atmosphere of sharing Suggested revision: an environment for exchange Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended sharing of business opportunities more precisely.
- 3. Clarify business location Original: manufacturing units in other parts Suggested revision: manufacturing operations in other countries Why it matters: The revision identifies both the activity and the international location clearly.
- 4. Fix opportunity preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The noun “opportunities” takes “for” before the beneficiaries.
- 5. Fix movement preposition Original: coming Suggested revision: arriving Why it matters: People arrive “in” a country rather than come “in” a country in this structure.
- 6. Remove redundant phrasing Original: by the way of their lives and lifestyle Suggested revision: through their way of life Why it matters: The revision removes repetition and uses the natural expression “way of life.”
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: Due to globalisation people Suggested revision: Due to globalisation, people Why it matters: The introductory prepositional phrase should be followed by a comma.
- 8. Fix form and spelling Original: would have options to choose wide verities Suggested revision: have the option to choose from a wide variety Why it matters: The revision fixes the unnecessary conditional, missing preposition, and misspelling of “variety.”
- 9. Clarify product choice Original: products they need Suggested revision: products that meet their needs Why it matters: The relative clause expresses the relationship between products and needs more precisely.
- 10. Use concise possessive Original: the lifestyle of the foreigners Suggested revision: foreign visitors' lifestyles Why it matters: The possessive phrase is more concise and identifies the tourists clearly.
- 11. Reduce repetition Original: the people in tourism-dominated areas try Suggested revision: residents of tourism-dominated areas try Why it matters: “Residents” avoids repeating the long location phrase and remains precise.
- 12. Remove redundant verbs Original: imitate and follow the lifestyle Suggested revision: adopt aspects of that lifestyle Why it matters: “Imitate” and “follow” overlap, while the revision states the intended influence precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- Setting up of a native firm The establishment of a domestic firm
- an atmosphere of sharing an environment for exchange
- manufacturing units in other parts manufacturing operations in other countries
- to for
- coming arriving
- by the way of their lives and lifestyle through their way of life
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear agreement and relevant focus on two benefits: wider economic opportunities through international business and cultural or linguistic exchange through tourism. Its main limitation is clarity, as ideas are repeated in vague terms and frequent grammatical and collocational errors obscure cause and effect; the highest-priority improvement is to express each benefit in a short, precise chain supported by one focused example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both international business and tourism are addressed with relevant benefits and an example, though development is uneven and sometimes generalized.
Explain one specific societal outcome from foreign investment and one from tourism, then connect each directly to the claim that society benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a logical introduction, two thematic body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but repetition and long comma-linked sentences weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and replace repeated references to “different people” and “society” with clear pronouns or specific groups.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss globalisation, investment, tourism, and culture, but frequent inaccurate choices such as “wide verities” and “transposition” limit precision.
Use “a wide variety,” “cultural exchange,” “foreign companies,” and “adopt positive aspects.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but agreement, articles, prepositions, relative structures, and comma splices cause frequent errors.
Use shorter complete sentences and correct patterns such as “people coming from other countries,” “offers opportunities,” and “tourism brings people.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.