Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
International tourism and business play a very crucial role throughout the world. It is clearly seen that countries are beneficial to each other through the sound relationships. I believe that tourists and business industries are greatly involved in imparting the knowledge of different cultures and to thrive the economy of the country.
To begin, tourism has a great impact on understanding the different cultures. When the tourist goes in different nations, they closely observe their way of living such as their clothing, food, language. Thus it results in contributing the one’s knowledge and making the bond with different kinds of people. Moreover, tourist industry helps in strengthening the economy of the different countries. Different tourist destinations earn a lot of money from foreign people. For example charging through tickets, different restaurants make a valuable profit through the tourism.
Secondly, the international business also contributes to developing the economy of a country. Different types of products are sold in the international market. For instance, China does the business of selling the cars, electronic devices of different models and mobile phones to the other countries. So this is regarded as beneficial in raising the financial status of the developing country. In addition to this, the international business ceases the tensions between the different countries. Different nations overcome their differences through the business deals.
To conclude, both the industries play a remarkable role to tight the international relationships and strengthen the economy. Tourism leads to exposure to the different world and business help to reduce the international tensions. I hope this relationship bring new changes and benefit in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant intensifier Original: very crucial Suggested revision: crucial Why it matters: “Crucial” already means extremely important, so “very” is unnecessary.
- 2. Use active benefit verb Original: countries are beneficial to each other Suggested revision: countries benefit one another Why it matters: Countries provide benefits to one another; they are not themselves “beneficial to” each other.
- 3. Use natural relationship phrase Original: through the sound relationships Suggested revision: through strong relationships Why it matters: The general plural noun does not take “the,” and “strong” is the natural adjective.
- 4. Name parallel sectors Original: tourists and business industries Suggested revision: tourism and international business Why it matters: The parallel industry nouns correctly identify the two activities discussed.
- 5. Use natural knowledge phrase Original: imparting the knowledge Suggested revision: sharing knowledge Why it matters: “Knowledge” is uncountable here and “sharing” fits cross-cultural exchange naturally.
- 6. Restore parallel verb Original: and to thrive the economy Suggested revision: and strengthening the economy Why it matters: The gerund matches “imparting,” and “strengthen” is transitive whereas “thrive” is not.
- 7. Clarify tourism's role Original: impact on understanding Suggested revision: role in promoting understanding of Why it matters: The replacement states the positive contribution more directly.
- 8. Use plural generalisation Original: When the tourist Suggested revision: When tourists Why it matters: A general statement about travellers requires the plural noun without an article.
- 9. Fix travel verb Original: goes in different nations Suggested revision: visit different countries Why it matters: People “visit” countries rather than “go in” nations.
- 10. Clarify local reference Original: their way of living Suggested revision: local ways of life Why it matters: The replacement removes the ambiguous pronoun and uses a natural cultural expression.
- 11. Fix contribution structure Original: contributing the one’s knowledge Suggested revision: expanding their knowledge Why it matters: The original phrase misuses “contribute” and combines incompatible determiners.
- 12. Use plural collocation Original: making the bond Suggested revision: forming bonds Why it matters: People “form bonds,” and the general reference requires the plural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- very crucial crucial
- countries are beneficial to each other countries benefit one another
- through the sound relationships through strong relationships
- tourists and business industries tourism and international business
- imparting the knowledge sharing knowledge
- and to thrive the economy and strengthening the economy
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear agreement and organizes relevant benefits of tourism and international business into a logical progression. Its main limitation is that supporting claims remain fairly general, while frequent article, agreement, and collocation errors reduce precision. The priority is to develop each benefit with more specific causal explanation and edit sentences for natural word combinations and accurate grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant social and economic benefits are explained, though development is sometimes general.
Extend each main claim with a specific, convincing explanation of how international contact benefits society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and sequencing are logical, although some linking is mechanical and a few sentences connect loosely.
Use referencing and logical transitions more precisely instead of relying mainly on formulaic paragraph openers.
Lexical Resource
The response uses adequate topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward or inaccurate collocations limit lexical precision.
Practise natural combinations such as "strengthen international relations" and "boost the economy" while removing unnecessary articles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms conveys the message, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, and sentence structure remain noticeable.
Edit systematically for article use and subject-verb agreement, especially when subjects are plural or clauses are coordinated.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.