Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate about whether regular academic and workplace "competition" or "cooperation" brings about more positivity, and which one should be encouraged. While some favour competition in schools and professional arenas, others advocate for cooperation. In this essay, we will discuss both viewpoints. Personally, however, I favour collaboration and teamwork rather than competition and rivalry.
On the one hand, competition in academies encourages students to study more attentively and become one of the top scorers. Without the contest and clear winners, most learners will not work hard. For instance, schools that rank students based on their performance, and offer prizes for top talents generally create a more competitive yet conducive study environment than their counterparts. The same goes for workplaces where most employees would not put in their best effort had there been no appraisal for promotion, competition and rewards.
On the contrary, those who favour cooperation rather than contest put forward their opinion that collaboration is a much more powerful tool than rivalry as it teaches valuable skills like teamwork, and partnership and brings learners and professionals together to achieve a common goal. Thus when learners study together and share their knowledge and help each other, they learn far more than those who never study in a group or share their notes and knowledge. The same problem can have multiple solutions and learners understand all of them and can find the best solution by discussion rather than keeping them hidden due to fierce competition. Similarly, employees in an office, for instance, achieve more and solve more complex problems when they work together.
In conclusion, cooperation is a much more powerful instrument than rivalry as the former brings more positive results and thus should be encouraged in workplaces and schools.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise outcome phrase Original: brings about more positivity Suggested revision: produces more positive outcomes Why it matters: The replacement names measurable results more precisely than the abstract noun “positivity.”
- 2. Use education term Original: competition in academies Suggested revision: academic competition Why it matters: “Academies” usually refers to particular institutions, while the claim concerns education generally.
- 3. Use study collocation Original: attentively Suggested revision: diligently Why it matters: “Diligently” naturally describes sustained effort in studying.
- 4. Clarify competition condition Original: Without the contest and clear winners Suggested revision: Without competition and clear rewards Why it matters: The replacement matches the broader discussion of incentives rather than one specific contest.
- 5. Remove coordination comma Original: based on their performance, and offer Suggested revision: based on their performance and offer Why it matters: No comma should separate two verbs sharing the subject “schools.”
- 6. Use people noun Original: talents Suggested revision: performers Why it matters: “Performers” identifies the students, whereas “talent” describes an ability.
- 7. Use paired transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This transition correctly pairs with the earlier “On the one hand” section.
- 8. Use consistent contrast Original: cooperation rather than contest Suggested revision: cooperation over competition Why it matters: “Competition” matches the term used throughout the essay more precisely than “contest.”
- 9. Use concise reporting verb Original: put forward their opinion that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: The direct reporting verb conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 10. Remove list comma Original: teamwork, and partnership Suggested revision: teamwork and partnership Why it matters: No comma separates two items joined by “and.”
- 11. Add transition comma Original: Thus when learners study together Suggested revision: Thus, when learners study together Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory transition “Thus.”
- 12. Remove double stance marker Original: Personally, however Suggested revision: Personally Why it matters: “Personally” already signals the writer's own contrasting view, making “however” redundant.
Suggested Rewrites
- brings about more positivity produces more positive outcomes
- competition in academies academic competition
- attentively diligently
- Without the contest and clear winners Without competition and clear rewards
- based on their performance, and offer based on their performance and offer
- talents performers
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, sustained preference for cooperation, supported by parallel discussion of schools and workplaces. Its main limitation is that several claims about motivation and learning are too absolute, while occasional awkward wording reduces precision. Prioritise qualifying these generalisations and directly comparing situations in which cooperation produces better outcomes than competition, using one specific example to strengthen the evaluation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed directly, the opinion is clear throughout, and relevant explanations cover academic and workplace contexts, though some claims are overgeneralised.
Qualify statements that most students or employees need competition and use a concrete example to demonstrate why cooperation is ultimately more effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into focused paragraphs and progresses clearly, with minor awkwardness in transitions and a densely developed third paragraph.
Use “On the other hand” rather than “On the contrary” and split the cooperation discussion into clearer stages of skill development and practical outcomes.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and generally precise across education and employment, although a few collocations such as “brings about more positivity” and “top talents” sound unnatural.
Prefer natural expressions such as “produces better outcomes,” “high-achieving students,” and “performance-based promotion.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is handled with good control, while occasional punctuation and parallel-structure problems remain.
Refine long coordinated sentences by removing unnecessary commas and keeping list items grammatically parallel, especially in the cooperation paragraph.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.