Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether children should enlist to the school as young as possible or they should spend their time at home playing games until they become seven years old. The main reason why many people favour the opinion that children should spend their time at home until they are seven is that they think younger ages are really important for the brain development and they are afraid of the misguidance possibility of their children. But, unfortunately, this action increases the tendency of becoming an introvert human being later in life. For instance, the childhood spent without friends could create more computer-based lifestyle when the person gets old. On the other hand, a generation that spends their childhood in school most likely will gather more information about their peers. Also, children will have a lot of chance to learn about interaction with other children and this will help them to have priceless memories with their friends. Furthermore, they will get a chance to have been taught limitless education materials or experiences by their teachers who are already aware of how to teach even the most problematic children. In addition, they will learn about cultural and historical information by visiting museums and festivals. Moreover, they don't have to spend their life in front of a computer when they get older because of their already improved communication skills. To summarise all my points that I explained so far, I believe that the benefits of sending children to school as soon as possible undoubtedly overweight the disadvantages which are nearly disregardable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix contrast punctuation Original: But, unfortunately, Suggested revision: Unfortunately, Why it matters: The sentence needs one introductory adverb rather than a conjunction followed by a separated adverb.
- 2. Fix likelihood pattern Original: tendency Suggested revision: likelihood Why it matters: “Likelihood of becoming” is the natural noun-and-gerund structure.
- 3. Use adjective form Original: an introvert human being Suggested revision: introverted Why it matters: The adjective “introverted” directly describes the person without the awkward noun phrase.
- 4. Use indefinite article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: This is a general hypothetical childhood, so it requires the indefinite article.
- 5. Fix lifestyle phrase Original: could create more computer-based lifestyle Suggested revision: could lead to a more computer-based lifestyle Why it matters: A childhood can “lead to” a lifestyle, and the countable noun requires an article.
- 6. Use concise time phrase Original: when the person gets old Suggested revision: later in life Why it matters: The replacement conveys the same future period more concisely and formally.
- 7. Fix subject reference Original: a generation that spends their childhood Suggested revision: children who spend their childhood Why it matters: The plural human subject agrees naturally with “their” and avoids the illogical generation reference.
- 8. Place probability adverb Original: most likely will gather Suggested revision: will most likely gain Why it matters: The adverb belongs after the auxiliary, and “gain” collocates with knowledge or understanding.
- 9. Clarify social learning Original: information about their peers Suggested revision: understanding of their peers Why it matters: The context concerns social understanding rather than factual information.
- 10. Use countable plural Original: a lot of chance Suggested revision: many opportunities Why it matters: Repeated chances are countable and require a plural noun.
- 11. Use infinitive pattern Original: learn about interaction Suggested revision: learn to interact Why it matters: Children learn to perform the action, so the infinitive is required.
- 12. Use measured wording Original: priceless Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: “Valuable” expresses importance without the exaggerated tone of “priceless.”
Suggested Rewrites
- But, unfortunately, Unfortunately,
- tendency likelihood
- an introvert human being introverted
- the a
- could create more computer-based lifestyle could lead to a more computer-based lifestyle
- when the person gets old later in life
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several relevant advantages of early schooling, including social interaction, teacher-guided learning, cultural exposure, and stronger communication skills. Its main weakness is uneven focus: substantial space is spent on the home-schooling debate, while the school benefits are listed more often than fully explained. Prioritise two well-developed advantages with clear cause-and-effect reasoning and a realistic example for each.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is answered with multiple relevant benefits of early schooling and a clear favourable view, although development is somewhat list-like and indirect.
Focus less on defending the home option and develop social skills and structured learning through specific, credible examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, but the single long paragraph and mechanical series of linking words weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, social advantages, educational advantages, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for childhood, education, and social development, but several inaccurate collocations reduce clarity.
Use natural phrases such as 'start school', 'risk of social isolation', 'interact with peers', and 'access varied learning experiences'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, pronouns, and noun phrases reduce grammatical control.
Simplify long sentences and check forms after verbs, especially 'enrol in school', 'have opportunities to learn', and 'benefits outweigh'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.