Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
When it comes to school age, there are some people who believe that it is better manner for the young children to stay home until their six or seven. On the contrary, in others opinion, the more school age would be earlier, the more benefits children would achieve. In today`s lifestyle, it seems that the second group follow the appropriate strategy because of some considerable merits as bellow.
According to the fast-changing world where we are living in, shaping accurate communications for children plays a vital role in their future life. Starting to go to school in earlier age could contribute to benefit from the high potential of this period of life.
Thanks to the fact that today, children`s abilities in many fields are gradually increasing, due to the widespread improvement in life conditions ranging from nutrition and health to education methods, they acquire suitable abilities from earlier ages, in comparison with the past. Therefore, the parents being aware of this could lead their children to faster progresses.
As one other advantage of decreasing school age, it could be mentioned that the average age of the academic social would decrease. As a result, the young would achieve more opportunities to make beneficial experiences for their career life.
In conclusion, it seems that nowadays, the school age has decreased and this change generally has resulted in improvement in the young`s relations abilities, their faster progress in knowledge and making more successful future in the field of work.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove incorrect noun Original: it is better manner Suggested revision: it is better Why it matters: 'Manner' does not express a preferable choice in this construction.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the young children Suggested revision: young children Why it matters: A general plural noun phrase does not take 'the'.
- 3. Correct age expression Original: until their six or seven Suggested revision: until they are six or seven Why it matters: Age is expressed with a subject pronoun and the verb 'be'.
- 4. Use contrast transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts two groups rather than directly disproving the preceding claim.
- 5. Add possessive apostrophe Original: in others opinion Suggested revision: in others' opinion Why it matters: The opinion belongs to multiple other people, so a possessive apostrophe is required.
- 6. Correct comparative structure Original: the more school age would be earlier, the more benefits children would achieve Suggested revision: the earlier children start school, the more benefits they may gain Why it matters: The correlative comparative requires parallel 'the earlier' and 'the more' clauses.
- 7. Use natural context phrase Original: In today`s lifestyle Suggested revision: In today's society Why it matters: 'Society' is the appropriate context, and the possessive needs an apostrophe.
- 8. Match subject and verb Original: follow Suggested revision: follows Why it matters: The collective noun is singular in this sentence, so the verb takes '-s'.
- 9. Correct the phrase Original: merits as bellow Suggested revision: benefits as follows Why it matters: The standard forward-reference phrase is 'as follows', and 'below' is misspelled.
- 10. Correct introductory phrase Original: According to the fast-changing world Suggested revision: In a fast-changing world Why it matters: 'According to' introduces a source, not the surrounding social context.
- 11. Remove double preposition Original: where we are living in Suggested revision: in which we live Why it matters: The relative clause needs only one preposition and a concise present verb.
- 12. Use precise collocation Original: shaping accurate communications Suggested revision: developing effective communication skills Why it matters: Children develop skills, and communication is uncountable in this sense.
Suggested Rewrites
- it is better manner it is better
- the young children young children
- until their six or seven until they are six or seven
- On the contrary By contrast
- in others opinion in others' opinion
- the more school age would be earlier, the more benefits children would achieve the earlier children start school, the more benefits they may gain
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a favourable view of early schooling and identifies communication, faster learning, and future opportunities as possible benefits. Its main limitation is development: the claims remain abstract, some connections to attending school are unclear, and frequent language errors make parts difficult to interpret. Prioritise two concrete benefits, explaining how school produces each one and supporting them with specific classroom or social examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Several potential advantages are identified and a positive position is maintained, but the ideas are briefly asserted and sometimes only loosely connected to early school attendance.
Develop two clear benefits, such as social communication and foundational learning, with a specific mechanism and example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a logical introduction-body-conclusion structure and visible paragraphing, though short underdeveloped paragraphs and mechanical transitions limit progression.
Combine related claims into two substantial body paragraphs with clear topic sentences and explanation before moving to the next advantage.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts varied academic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate choices and collocations make several ideas unclear.
Replace phrases such as 'academic social,' 'faster progresses,' and 'relations abilities' with 'school community,' 'faster progress,' and 'communication skills.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence patterns are attempted, but frequent errors in articles, possessives, agreement, comparison, and clause construction often impede clarity.
Use shorter subject-verb-object sentences and carefully check possessives, articles, and comparative structures before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.