Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
People have different opinions with regard to the question of ‘what is the right age for the children to start school?’ Although I accept that the younger generations should be permitted to stay at home and play till they reach a certain age, I also agree that it is much needed for them to start formal education soon. I would say that six or seven years would be a bit late to start school while 4-5 years would be the ideal time to do so.
On the one hand, allowing children to be at home and play till they attain an age of six or seven has several benefits. Firstly, stress and strain needed to learn academic subjects would be avoided. Childhood days are meant to be enjoyed and there is no harm in letting them enjoy their freedom of life. Secondly, parental care is required until a certain age. For example, personal hygienic habit would be followed perfectly by a child if it is learnt from their parents. Finally, it is obvious that a child gets little mature comparatively, so it would be much easier for teachers to handle the students at an educational institution. Therefore efficient teaching and grasping would be the start of education for every child.
On the other hand, an early education is the need of the hour to face the competitive world. Since the parents want their kids to be successful; they aim to give an excellent educational background to them. Instead of learning the basics at the age of six or seven, they want their children to be updated. That is the reason why so many play schools have been established these days. There are even several extra classes being conducted for cognitive development like mid-brain activation classes which mainly focuses on the age group below six. On the whole, making the younger minds to learn at this age, their mothers and fathers ensure that their child's time is well spent for the personal development which would help them to face the future life confidently. Finally, while I agree that freedom should be given to every child to cherish the childhood days, I believe that is more crucial to get them educated soon to secure their future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name age group precisely Original: the younger generations Suggested revision: young children Why it matters: The task concerns young children, whereas “generations” is too broad.
- 2. Use direct verb form Original: it is much needed for them Suggested revision: they need Why it matters: The direct subject and verb replace the unnatural passive expression.
- 3. Write age range clearly Original: 4-5 years Suggested revision: four or five years Why it matters: Spelling out the ages makes the prose form consistent and avoids an ambiguous hyphenated range.
- 4. Use natural age phrase Original: till they attain an age of Suggested revision: until they reach the age of Why it matters: “Reach the age of” is the standard expression.
- 5. Fix modifier relationship Original: stress and strain needed to learn academic subjects Suggested revision: the stress and strain of learning academic subjects Why it matters: The “of” phrase correctly identifies the source of the stress and strain.
- 6. Use natural expression Original: their freedom of life Suggested revision: their childhood freedom Why it matters: “Freedom of life” is not idiomatic, while the revision preserves the intended childhood context.
- 7. Fix comparative structure Original: a child gets little mature comparatively Suggested revision: a child becomes comparatively more mature Why it matters: The adjective needs “more,” and “becomes” is the correct linking verb.
- 8. Use educational verb Original: handle Suggested revision: teach Why it matters: “Teach” describes the educational relationship more appropriately than “handle.”
- 9. Add transition comma Original: Therefore efficient Suggested revision: Therefore, efficient Why it matters: The sentence adverb “Therefore” requires a following comma.
- 10. Use parallel education terms Original: grasping Suggested revision: learning Why it matters: “Learning” is the natural counterpart to “teaching” in this context.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: an early education Suggested revision: early education Why it matters: “Education” is used uncountably when referring to the general concept.
- 12. Use direct academic wording Original: the need of the hour Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: The direct adjective is clearer and less idiomatic.
Suggested Rewrites
- the younger generations young children
- it is much needed for them they need
- 4-5 years four or five years
- till they attain an age of until they reach the age of
- stress and strain needed to learn academic subjects the stress and strain of learning academic subjects
- their freedom of life their childhood freedom
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear preference for starting school around four or five and its attempt to connect early education with preparation and cognitive development. Its main limitation is task focus: a large body paragraph discusses the benefits of staying home, although the question asks specifically for advantages of early schooling; the highest-priority improvement is to replace that material with two distinct, well-explained benefits of attending school young.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear view and some relevant advantages of early schooling are presented, but substantial space answers the unasked question of why children should stay home.
Focus every body paragraph on an advantage of early school attendance, such as social development, structured learning, or early identification of needs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has recognizable introduction, contrasting body sections, and conclusion, but progression is weakened because the first body paragraph moves away from the required focus.
Organise two body paragraphs around separate early-school benefits and use the conclusion only to synthesize those advantages.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for childhood, education, competition, and development, though awkward phrases such as “gets little mature” and “grasping” reduce precision.
Use natural terms such as “becomes more mature,” “learning,” “social skills,” and “cognitive development.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures communicates the main ideas, but agreement, article, pronoun, clause, and verb-form errors recur throughout.
Correct forms such as “habits would be learned,” “classes that focus,” “helps children learn,” and “it is more crucial.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.