Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
There has always been a considerable debate over the topic whether children should go to school after four or they should stay at home until they are seven. While there are some merits in both arguments, my personal view is that parents should not hassle about sending their kids to school. People who support the school at young age base their arguments on the improvement rate of the brain during language acquisition. Research shows that the speed of connections made between neurones is faster during the first five years. This fact can also be interpreted as children are quick learner between age 0 to 5. Therefore, relatively hard lessons such as maths and physics can easily be acquired by kids when their learning capabilities at zenith. The second argument would be that kids tend to be more social when they are mingled with their peers at a younger age. More they stay beside their families, more they are accustomed to take rather than to give. However, we learn to be collaborative at school. Thus, sooner kids are sent to school, less the selfishness become entrenched. People who are opposed to this view, including me, feel that we live most of our lives as adults with a plethora of responsibilities and the childhood is already a short span to enjoy sufficiently. Why shorten it even more? The age seven is young enough to be inundated with lessons and to be given responsibilities in the form of homework. In conclusion, although I believe that both sides have strong arguments, my personal view is that children should not be sent to school until seven because childhood is already a short period of life and should be spent without responsibilities and abundant fun.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use debate over whether Original: debate over the topic whether Suggested revision: debate over whether Why it matters: Whether directly introduces the alternatives, making topic unnecessary.
- 2. Specify starting age Original: go to school after four Suggested revision: start school after age four Why it matters: Start school clearly refers to the age at which attendance begins.
- 3. Use uncountable merit Original: merits Suggested revision: merit Why it matters: Merit is normally uncountable when referring generally to validity.
- 4. Use should not rush Original: should not hassle about sending Suggested revision: should not rush to send Why it matters: Rush to do something expresses acting too quickly, while hassle is inappropriate here.
- 5. Use schooling phrase Original: support the school at young age Suggested revision: support schooling at a young age Why it matters: Schooling names the practice, and the countable age phrase requires an article.
- 6. Use brain development Original: improvement rate of the brain Suggested revision: rate of brain development Why it matters: Brain development is the natural term for developmental change.
- 7. Clarify connection formation Original: speed of connections made between neurones Suggested revision: rate at which connections form between neurons Why it matters: The revised phrase describes neural connection formation directly and uses the standard spelling neurons.
- 8. Use difficult subjects Original: relatively hard lessons Suggested revision: relatively difficult subjects Why it matters: Maths and physics are subjects, and difficult is more appropriate than hard in formal writing.
- 9. Use learned by children Original: can easily be acquired by kids Suggested revision: can be learned easily by children Why it matters: Lessons are learned rather than acquired, and the adverb placement is more natural.
- 10. Add verb and article Original: when their learning capabilities at zenith Suggested revision: when their learning abilities are at their peak Why it matters: The clause needs a finite verb, and at their peak is the natural expression.
- 11. Use present tense Original: The second argument would be that Suggested revision: The second argument is that Why it matters: The present tense suits an argument being presented now.
- 12. Use interact with peers Original: mingled with their peers Suggested revision: able to interact with their peers Why it matters: Interact describes social contact naturally, whereas the passive mingled is awkward here.
Suggested Rewrites
- debate over the topic whether debate over whether
- go to school after four start school after age four
- merits merit
- should not hassle about sending should not rush to send
- support the school at young age support schooling at a young age
- improvement rate of the brain rate of brain development
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies and explains two relevant advantages of early schooling—faster learning and social development—with logical supporting reasoning. Its main limitation is that substantial space is devoted to opposing early attendance even though the question asks specifically for advantages, while the single-paragraph format weakens organisation; the priority is to keep every body section focused on a distinct advantage and develop it precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Two relevant advantages are developed, but the response loses focus by arguing against early schooling and concluding with that opposing view.
Answer the stated question directly by developing only the advantages and avoiding an unnecessary counter-position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a clear sequence and linking is generally effective, although the absence of paragraph breaks and some formulaic transitions reduce clarity.
Separate the introduction, each main advantage, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly wide range of vocabulary, including language for learning and social development, despite several awkward collocations.
Choose more natural combinations and avoid forced expressions such as describing learning capacity as being at zenith.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used, but recurring agreement, article, and comparative-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Review patterns such as the more...the more and ensure subjects agree with their verbs in every clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.