Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Sample Response
A group of people believe that enrolling children in school at an early age is a negative thing. They think that the best age for children to enter school is around six or seven years old. On the contrary, other people believe that children should go to school at the earliest possible age. The following essay will discuss these two different views in details.
On the one hand, it is a fact that many parents are enrolling their children in school at an early age these days. These children have been registered at toddler or nursery classes at the age of two or three years. These people think that educating their children at an early age is a good thing since the children would be much smarter and brighter than those who go to school at the standard age. However, there have been some negative cases reported regarding this act. Some of them have become stressed and depressed and impacted on their normal behaviour.
On the other hand, there are parents who believe that children should start school at the normal age, which is around six or seven years old. These people believe that the standard age defined by the Ministry of Education has been set based on some scientific and psychological research. Therefore, it would be best for parents to follow the standard. Besides that, children could also learn things at home before they reach the school age period. Parents could purchase some educative toys for their children such as Lego which would help them in learning words, shape and colours.
In conclusion, people have argued about the best age for children to enter school. Some of the people prefer to register their children at the age of two or three while others just enrol their children at the normal age, which is between the age of six or seven years old. Both views have their own advantages point but I personally believe that registering the children at the normal age is the best way.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise noun Original: a negative thing Suggested revision: disadvantageous Why it matters: The adjective directly expresses the claimed negative effect.
- 2. Use contrast transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts two groups rather than contradicting a factual statement.
- 3. Use singular expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed adverbial phrase uses singular 'detail'.
- 4. Use simple present Original: parents are enrolling Suggested revision: parents enrol Why it matters: The simple present is appropriate for a general current practice.
- 5. Correct enrolment phrase Original: registered at toddler or nursery classes Suggested revision: enrolled in toddler or nursery classes Why it matters: Children are 'enrolled in' classes rather than registered at them.
- 6. Correct age expression Original: at the age of two or three years Suggested revision: at two or three years of age Why it matters: The revised structure states the children's age grammatically.
- 7. Avoid redundant adjectives Original: much smarter and brighter Suggested revision: academically stronger Why it matters: The two original adjectives overlap, while the revision specifies academic ability.
- 8. Describe outcomes precisely Original: cases Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: 'Effects' refers to harmful outcomes; 'cases' refers to instances.
- 9. Use neutral terminology Original: regarding this act Suggested revision: associated with this practice Why it matters: Starting school early is a practice rather than an isolated act.
- 10. Clarify the reference Original: Some of them have become Suggested revision: Some children have become Why it matters: The explicit noun avoids ambiguity about who experienced the effects.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: impacted on their normal behaviour Suggested revision: experienced changes in their normal behaviour Why it matters: The original verb pattern does not clearly describe the behavioural effect.
- 12. Remove redundant verb Original: set based on Suggested revision: based on Why it matters: 'Based on' already expresses how the standard was established.
Suggested Rewrites
- a negative thing disadvantageous
- On the contrary By contrast
- details detail
- parents are enrolling parents enrol
- registered at toddler or nursery classes enrolled in toddler or nursery classes
- at the age of two or three years at two or three years of age
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay is organised clearly and presents a consistent preference for starting school at six or seven, with relevant discussion of stress, official guidance, and learning at home. Its central limitation is that this does not answer the explicit task, which asks for the advantages of attending school young; only the claim that early pupils may become smarter is briefly offered. Prioritise direct development of early-school benefits such as socialisation and foundational learning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses opposing views and argues for later entry, but it gives only one briefly asserted advantage of attending school young and therefore only partially addresses the actual question.
Answer the explicit question by developing several early-school advantages, such as social skills, routines, language growth, and early academic foundations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and contrast between early and standard-age entry are easy to follow, although this progression serves the wrong essay purpose and linking is mechanical.
Organise body paragraphs by distinct advantages of early attendance rather than by the two opposing positions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for education and child development, but repetition and inaccurate phrases such as 'negative thing,' 'in details,' and 'advantages point' reduce precision.
Use direct academic terms such as 'potential drawback,' 'in detail,' 'school readiness,' and 'developmental benefit.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence structures with generally clear meaning, though errors in prepositions, articles, pronouns, and noun forms recur.
Check fixed phrases and plural forms, particularly 'enrolled in nursery classes,' 'shapes and colours,' and 'their own advantages.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.