Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Some people think that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money and I also feel that this is truefeel that is true. I totally agree with this viewthought. Let's discuss in detaildetails.
In today's world, we can categorise these entertainers asare the highest earners in the society. Their earnings areTheir earning is much higher than those of most peoplehigher than most of the people. This difference also leads to the creation of greater povertymaking of more poor people within the society. I will describe in my view why these high salaries are unfair.Firstly, entertainers do their jobs likeare also doing their job as other people in the world. Each and every individual in the workforce are giving some support to contribute to national incomemake the national income in a country. Therefore it is unfair to pay extremely high salariesvery big salaries to a small number of peopleto fewer people. Furthermore, pay should be determinedpayments should be done according to the job type, rather than popularitynot considering the popularity.
Secondly, these people earn much morehigher than well-educated ones in the society like doctors, engineers, accountants etc. It is not the best practise knowledge and wisdom are less valued here. This will definitely discourage young people from becoming professionalsdiscourage young people to be professionals. Thirdly, paying very high salaries to the film stars, sports stars or musicians creates an unfair situation formakes an unfair situation to the poor people who are working very hard to make ends meet. Most of the government servants might not get good wages as the government cannot arrange the money since entertainers are highly paid. We should not forget that these payments are madethese payment made by the government from everyone's money.
To sum up I also feel that entertainers are highly paid and I think these payment systems should be done an intelligent and fairly way than this. I think salary scales must be designed very fairly than present. Wages might be plan considering various measures such as how hard is the job, educational level, profession. Moreover professionals like doctors, engineers, accountants, lecturers should be highly paid since it encourages society to be educated. But it is also should be at a balanced level.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay states a consistent position and offers several reasons why entertainers’ earnings seem unfair, while also identifying professions that deserve higher pay. Its main limitation is uneven development: the second question is answered mainly in the conclusion, and claims about poverty and government wages are weakly supported. The priority is to build a separate, logically explained case for the alternative occupations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and both questions are addressed, but several reasons are asserted without convincing support and the proposed highly paid jobs receive minimal development.
Dedicate one body paragraph to why doctors, engineers, accountants, or lecturers merit higher pay, using a clear principle and concrete explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses recognisable paragraphs and numbered points, but progression is mechanical, some ideas are loosely connected, and the conclusion repeats rather than synthesises.
Organise one paragraph around entertainer pay and another around deserving occupations, with each paragraph developing one central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss earnings, fairness, and professions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as ‘making of more poor people’ and ‘salary scales designed fairly than present’ with clear standard comparisons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent agreement, article, verb-form, clause, and comparative errors occur across nearly every paragraph.
Prioritise complete clause structures and subject–verb agreement, then check passive forms such as ‘wages should be planned’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.