Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Sample Response
In the past, the field of entertainment was not developed and hence, people from this field were paid very less. However, with the improvement in the technology, the income of the celebrities increased to a greater extent. I personally believe that these people are gaining money in excess. In this essay, we will analyse the reasons for this and also discuss the professions which deserve such high income. To begin with, celebrities such as actors, musicians and sports person are been paid based upon their fame among the people. A good illustration for this is the Bollywood actor Shahrukh Khan who is said to be charging money in crores for signing a single film. In other words, he is been paid such a huge amount just with the hope that film will run successfully. But, it is also true that the society will not be harmed even in the absence of such films and actors. Instead, I feel that people working in the industry with the aim of the well-being of the society should be offered such pay. For instance, doctors or security personnel’s should be paid good amount because they always help the people of the country by protecting them. Moreover, they invest a lot of money and the time for obtaining their degrees and once they receive the degree, they oath to be available for the people at any time of the day. Hence, it is apparent that jobs that focus on safeguarding the people should be heavily paid. In conclusion, it is seen that paying huge amounts to the famous personalities is equivalent to wasting the resources which can be utilised in a better way. Instead, this amount should be paid to the people in life-saving professions such as doctors or police officers. It is thus hoped that government will regulate the salaries of the people based upon their important and role played in the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use technological advancement Original: improvement in the technology Suggested revision: advancement of technology Why it matters: Advancement of technology is the natural phrase for technological progress.
- 2. Use plural incomes Original: income of the celebrities Suggested revision: incomes of celebrities Why it matters: The statement concerns multiple celebrities and their individual incomes.
- 3. Use increased substantially Original: increased to a greater extent Suggested revision: increased substantially Why it matters: The adverb expresses the scale of the increase directly and naturally.
- 4. Use earning excessive amounts Original: gaining money in excess Suggested revision: earning excessive amounts of money Why it matters: Earn money is the correct collocation for income, and excessive amounts states the criticism clearly.
- 5. Use plural incomes Original: professions which deserve such high income Suggested revision: professions that deserve such high incomes Why it matters: Multiple professions and workers require the plural incomes, and that suits a defining clause.
- 6. Use illustration of Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Illustration takes the preposition of when introducing an example.
- 7. Use being paid Original: been Suggested revision: being Why it matters: The present continuous passive requires being rather than been.
- 8. Use expectation phrase Original: just with the hope that film will run successfully Suggested revision: in the expectation that the film will be successful Why it matters: The revised phrase supplies the article and uses a natural expression for anticipated commercial success.
- 9. Use formal contrast Original: But Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However is the appropriate formal connector and avoids the incorrect comma after But.
- 10. Fix article and modality Original: the society will not be harmed Suggested revision: society would not be harmed Why it matters: Society takes no article in this general sense, and would matches the hypothetical absence.
- 11. Use professions generally Original: people working in the industry Suggested revision: people working in professions Why it matters: Professions accurately covers doctors and security personnel rather than one unspecified industry.
- 12. Use promote well-being Original: with the aim of the well-being of the society Suggested revision: that promote society's well-being Why it matters: The relative clause expresses the purpose naturally and removes unnecessary articles.
Suggested Rewrites
- improvement in the technology advancement of technology
- income of the celebrities incomes of celebrities
- increased to a greater extent increased substantially
- gaining money in excess earning excessive amounts of money
- professions which deserve such high income professions that deserve such high incomes
- for of
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay answers both questions directly, arguing that celebrity pay is excessive and that doctors and security professionals deserve higher remuneration because of their social value. Its main strengths are a consistent position and relevant occupational examples, but the reasoning is sometimes simplistic, the response lacks paragraphing, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The priority is to organise the two questions separately and develop a fairer comparison of responsibility, skill, and public benefit.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are addressed with a clear opinion and relevant examples, but the justification for pay levels is broad and sometimes assumes entertainment has little social value.
Compare entertainers and essential workers using explicit criteria such as training, risk, responsibility, scarcity, and contribution to society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from celebrity pay to better-paid professions and a conclusion, but the entire essay is one paragraph and transitions are formulaic.
Use separate paragraphs for the judgement on entertainers, the case for essential workers, and the final comparative conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for entertainment, income, and public-service professions, but recurring inaccurate collocations and word forms limit naturalness.
Use precise phrases such as 'earn excessive salaries', 'command a high fee', 'essential workers', and 'social importance'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in passive forms, articles, agreement, plurals, and possessives weaken grammatical control.
Correct passive constructions such as 'are paid' and check articles, plural nouns, and possessive forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.