Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There is no doubt that crime rates have dramatically increased over the last few years. Some criminals managed themselves to become good human beings while their stay in prisons. One of the reasons is that they have practically seen the problems and sacrifice they had to make. Some people argue that these are the best examples of creating awareness about crimes in teenagers. However, others state that a person with a criminal background will not leave indispensable impressions on people minds.
Firstly, it is the duty of government and the people to identify the aspects of crimes in teenagers. After that, there should be workshop and seminars which should highlight the consequences of committing crimes. It is also the responsibility of parents and guardian to have an eye on their children’s activities. While making little efforts, one can save many criminal activities in their surroundings.
Secondly, people who were the part of immoral doings and became good citizens after prison could help teenagers in eradicating this short of sins. They have personally experienced all the suffering they had to go through after compelling crime. They know the possible reason, why and how youngsters get involved in such cruel doings. Their worlds would leave undeniable impressions on people minds and will help to eliminate crime from the society.
Finally, I strongly believe that once a criminal is not always a criminal. If one has regret about his past and has changed himself should be treated like a normal human being. Furthermore, they could help teenager from remaining away crimes while telling them about their sacrifice of time, health and family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the verb structure Original: managed themselves to become Suggested revision: managed to become Why it matters: Manage is followed directly by a to-infinitive and does not take themselves here.
- 2. Use the correct preposition Original: while their stay in prisons Suggested revision: during their stay in prison Why it matters: During introduces the noun phrase, and in prison is the standard general expression.
- 3. Use the plural noun Original: sacrifice Suggested revision: sacrifices Why it matters: Sacrifices should be plural alongside problems.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: practically seen Suggested revision: directly experienced Why it matters: Directly experienced accurately describes undergoing these difficulties personally.
- 5. Name the people clearly Original: best examples of creating awareness Suggested revision: best people to raise awareness Why it matters: People raise awareness; they are not examples of creating it.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: about crimes in teenagers Suggested revision: about crime among teenagers Why it matters: Crime among teenagers is the natural expression for offending within this group.
- 7. Correct wording and possession Original: indispensable impressions on people minds Suggested revision: lasting impressions on people's minds Why it matters: Lasting impressions is the intended collocation, and people's requires the possessive form.
- 8. Use the possessive form Original: duty of government Suggested revision: government's duty Why it matters: The possessive form is more natural for assigning responsibility.
- 9. Clarify the meaning Original: aspects of crimes in teenagers Suggested revision: causes of teenage crime Why it matters: This phrase clearly identifies the factors that lead teenagers to offend.
- 10. Keep nouns plural Original: workshop Suggested revision: workshops Why it matters: Both coordinated count nouns should be plural.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: guardian Suggested revision: guardians Why it matters: Guardians must be plural to coordinate with parents.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: have an eye on Suggested revision: monitor Why it matters: Monitor expresses the intended supervision more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- managed themselves to become managed to become
- while their stay in prisons during their stay in prison
- sacrifice sacrifices
- practically seen directly experienced
- best examples of creating awareness best people to raise awareness
- about crimes in teenagers about crime among teenagers
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is a clear eventual position that reformed former prisoners can warn teenagers through credible first-hand experience. Its main limitation is uneven relevance and development: a full paragraph shifts to general government and parental crime prevention, while the central claim is supported mostly by assertion rather than a concrete mechanism or example. Prioritise focusing every paragraph on why reformed offenders are especially effective speakers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay expresses agreement and gives a relevant experiential reason, but the position arrives late and substantial space is spent on general prevention rather than the specific claim about the best speakers.
State the degree of agreement in the introduction and develop how an offender’s testimony changes teenage attitudes, supported by a concrete example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and sequencing markers create a recognisable structure, but the first body paragraph is weakly connected to the thesis and progression between ideas is sometimes abrupt.
Make each body paragraph support the central comparison, first explaining credibility and then showing the practical impact on teenagers.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts crime-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate phrases such as “managed themselves,” “indispensable impressions,” “immoral doings,” “short of sins” and “compelling crime” obscure precision.
Use direct terms such as “reformed,” “lasting impression,” “criminal behaviour,” “such offences” and “committing a crime.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in articles, plurals, agreement, relative structures and sentence construction occur throughout and sometimes make relationships difficult to follow.
Build shorter subject-verb sentences and check forms such as “workshops and seminars,” “parents and guardians,” and “a person who regrets his past.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.