Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that several people have changed themselves to be a better person after they had been released from prison. And it is believed that they are better in giving advice to young people about the negative effect of crime. I personally agree with the statement and the following essay will discuss in details about it.
To begin with, it is a fact that the public usually has negative images to ex-prisoners, but not all of them have a bad personality. As some prisons provide technical skill and personal development program to their prisoners, many of them have successfully followed these positive programs. These courses have changed their character and provided them with adequate skill, therefore, they were accepted back in the society. Many of them have learned their lessons during imprisonment, as they worked harder and became more successful than the regular people. Apart from psychopath criminals, an ordinary person, who has committed crimes and has been sentenced to be imprisoned often understand the value of life and thus changes radically.
But in many countries, the crime rate among young people has been increasing significantly in the past few years. I believe that the best way to reduce the rate is by having some campaigns and testimonials from former prisoners who had changed their life. With their shares, it is hoped that it will open and broaden the view of the young people, about the dangerous side of crime. They would also become an effective mentor because they understand the condition of these teenagers, as they had experienced the same situation before. With their guidance, it is hoped that many teenagers will improve their life and become a better person.
In conclusion, I totally agree that some former prisoners who had changed their life would be a good advisor for the young generation. Their unpleasant experience would be a valuable lesson for the young people and hope that the teenagers would avoid crime activities in the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix number agreement Original: changed themselves to be a better person Suggested revision: changed themselves to become better people Why it matters: The plural subject requires a plural complement, and become is the natural verb here.
- 2. Use simple past Original: after they had been released Suggested revision: after they were released Why it matters: The simple past is sufficient because after already makes the sequence clear.
- 3. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Better takes at before a gerund describing an activity.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: effect Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: The general consequences of crime require the plural noun effects.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: discuss in details about it Suggested revision: discuss it in detail Why it matters: Discuss takes a direct object and in detail is the correct fixed expression.
- 6. Correct collocation Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: An image or perception of someone takes the preposition of.
- 7. Fix plural agreement Original: not all of them have a bad personality Suggested revision: not all of them have bad personalities Why it matters: The plural pronoun them requires a plural noun in this general statement.
- 8. Use plural nouns Original: technical skill and personal development program Suggested revision: technical skills and personal development programs Why it matters: The sentence refers generally to multiple kinds of prison provision.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: psychopath Suggested revision: psychopathic Why it matters: Psychopathic is the adjective needed to modify criminals.
- 10. Use concise structure Original: sentenced to be imprisoned Suggested revision: sentenced to prison Why it matters: Sentenced to prison is the standard grammatical construction.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: understand Suggested revision: understands Why it matters: The singular subject an ordinary person requires understands.
- 12. Correct tense and number Original: testimonials from former prisoners who had changed their life Suggested revision: testimonials from former prisoners who have changed their lives Why it matters: Present relevance calls for present perfect, and the plural antecedent requires lives.
Suggested Rewrites
- changed themselves to be a better person changed themselves to become better people
- after they had been released after they were released
- in at
- effect effects
- discuss in details about it discuss it in detail
- to of
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear, consistent opinion and develops two relevant reasons: reformed prisoners have learned from experience and can relate credibly to teenagers. The argument remains somewhat general, and recurring grammatical and collocational errors weaken otherwise clear communication. The highest-priority improvement is to support the claim that these speakers are especially effective with a specific comparison or example, while tightening sentence-level accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant reasons are developed, but the claim that former prisoners are the best speakers is not examined in much depth.
Compare former prisoners with another possible mentor and use a specific example to justify why their experience is uniquely persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and an understandable progression, though some linking is mechanical and a few references are imprecise.
Strengthen connections between claims and explanations with precise referencing rather than relying on formulaic transitions and repeated passive phrases.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic and sometimes varied, but recurring unnatural collocations and word-choice errors limit precision.
Use more natural combinations for advice, rehabilitation, criminal activity, and personal experience, and avoid vague expressions such as shares.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, tense, articles, and sentence boundaries remain noticeable.
Check subject-verb agreement and tense consistency first, then revise comma splices and incomplete coordinated clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.