Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, imprisonment is assumed as the finest method of punishment to offenders of law because after running the punishment time, the majority of people tend to be good members of the society. This condition derives plenty of people think that the prisoners are convenient speakers to talk to adolescents about the precarious of breaking the laws. I personally agree with that statements and I have some reasons to support it which will be explained briefly in the following paragraph.
First and foremost, detention given to the criminals is usually followed by training and educations that will be utilised in their future life. For instance, they are taught about religion and how to survive their life in the right way such as lessons for becoming a tailor or a painter. Those lessons make them likely to be better inhabitants and might easier to be accepted in their circumstances after completing their penalty.
Furthermore, due to the experiences obtained as long as running punishment, they seem to become suitable speakers to tell the teens about the difficulties that might be faced when living in a prison.To illustrate, they can share how regretful they are after committing a bad action and how they felt and repented because they cannot meet their family and cannot act freely like others. This story will certainly be remembered by the adolescents since they hear about those bad impacts directly from the prisoners so they will think twice if they want to disobey the applied rule.
In a nutshell, It can be concluded that majority of people become better citizens after obtaining lessons at the jail and because of the experiences acquired in the jail, they are likely to be suitable people to tell the teenagers about drawbacks which occur owing to be a criminal.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix demonstrative agreement Original: statements Suggested revision: statement Why it matters: The singular demonstrative that must modify a singular noun.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: it which Suggested revision: this view, which Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase clarifies the reference and the comma correctly opens the non-defining clause.
- 3. Correct legal collocation Original: detention given to the criminals Suggested revision: detention imposed on criminals Why it matters: Detention is imposed on people rather than given to them.
- 4. Use uncountable noun Original: educations Suggested revision: education Why it matters: Education is uncountable when referring generally to instruction received in prison.
- 5. Match plural possessive Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive their refers to multiple people's separate lives.
- 6. Choose accurate noun Original: inhabitants Suggested revision: citizens Why it matters: Citizens accurately describes responsible members of society, whereas inhabitants only means residents.
- 7. Fix modal construction Original: might easier to be accepted Suggested revision: might be more easily accepted Why it matters: A modal requires the base verb be, followed here by the comparative adverb phrase.
- 8. Clarify social setting Original: in their circumstances Suggested revision: by their communities Why it matters: Communities clearly identifies the people whose acceptance is being discussed.
- 9. Use legal collocation Original: penalty Suggested revision: sentences Why it matters: People serve or complete prison sentences rather than complete penalties in this context.
- 10. Fix time expression Original: experiences obtained as long as running punishment Suggested revision: experiences gained while serving their sentences Why it matters: While serving correctly expresses the simultaneous period and uses the standard legal collocation.
- 11. Add sentence spacing Original: living in a prison.To illustrate Suggested revision: living in prison. To illustrate Why it matters: A space is required after the full stop, and prison is normally uncountable in this general expression.
- 12. Fix verb coordination Original: they felt and repented Suggested revision: they felt remorseful Why it matters: The original coordination is incomplete because felt requires a complement.
Suggested Rewrites
- statements statement
- it which this view, which
- detention given to the criminals detention imposed on criminals
- educations education
- life lives
- inhabitants citizens
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement position and offers a relevant experiential reason why former prisoners could influence teenagers. However, the first body paragraph focuses more on rehabilitation than on why these people are the best speakers, while frequent collocational and grammatical errors reduce precision; the priority is to develop the comparison with other possible speakers and express it through simpler, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant reasons are provided, but the claim that former prisoners are the best speakers is only partly developed.
Compare former prisoners directly with parents, teachers, or police officers and explain why personal prison experience would make them more effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall sequence and appropriate paragraphing, although progression relies on rather mechanical signposting.
Use clearer logical links within paragraphs so each explanation grows naturally from the preceding claim rather than from stock connectors.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss rehabilitation and deterrence, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations reduce precision.
Prefer accurate combinations such as “serve a sentence,” “effective speakers,” and “the dangers of crime” over less natural substitutions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but agreement, article, plural, and clause errors occur frequently.
Build shorter complete clauses and proofread systematically for subject–verb agreement, articles, and singular–plural consistency.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.