Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that we should hate crimes, not the criminals as they are also the human being. Evidence shows that good individuals are forced to commit a crime and are convicted and many ex-prisoners become normal members of our society. Since they have suffered from the isolation and punishment, they can share their experience with teenagers and encourage them to abide by the laws and rules. To begin with, rehabilitated offenders have experience about the prison life and the types of wrongdoing people get involved in. They can share those experience with the teenagers and young people are more likely to accept advice from someone who speaks from real life experience. This can be a great arrangement to let the adolescents know how someone gets involved in a crime and how they suffer for this. It would discourage them from committing crimes and become good citizens. I presume those teenagers will have many questions and the ex-prisoners are the best persons to answer those and this will have a powerful impact on the fresh minds. Moreover, people who have been punished by the law would benefit from this arrangement as well. They would feel better by sharing their stories and this is a great way to stay away from crimes for these people. They would also feel connected to the society and would be glad for doing something good. Alternative ways of educating young people about the menaces of committing a crime are letting teachers educate students. However, in my opinion, this is not that efficient as students would treat those as class lectures, not real life interesting stories to listen to carefully. Educating students through stories and films can also be effective but they are not as much interactive as sessions with ex-prisoners. To conclude, we should educate our young generation about the consequences of committing crimes and I believe they would learn this better from reformed prisoners who speaks from their experience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: from the isolation and punishment Suggested revision: from isolation and punishment Why it matters: These abstract nouns are used generally here and do not require 'the'.
- 2. Fix noun collocation Original: experience about the prison life Suggested revision: experience of prison life Why it matters: The natural collocation is 'experience of', and 'prison life' takes no article in this general sense.
- 3. Match noun number Original: experience Suggested revision: experiences Why it matters: The plural demonstrative 'those' requires the plural noun 'experiences'.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: with the teenagers Suggested revision: with teenagers Why it matters: The essay refers to teenagers generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: a great arrangement to let the adolescents know Suggested revision: an effective way to show adolescents Why it matters: The replacement expresses the educational purpose more naturally and directly.
- 6. Fix causal phrasing Original: how they suffer for this Suggested revision: how they suffer as a result Why it matters: 'As a result' correctly expresses the consequence of becoming involved in crime.
- 7. Restore parallel structure Original: and become good citizens Suggested revision: and encourage them to become good citizens Why it matters: The added verb makes both coordinated outcomes apply logically to the teenagers.
- 8. Use natural plural Original: persons Suggested revision: people Why it matters: 'People' is the natural plural when referring generally to individuals.
- 9. Use object pronoun Original: those Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The questions should be referred to with the object pronoun 'them'.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: the fresh minds Suggested revision: young minds Why it matters: 'Young minds' is the established expression for teenagers in this context.
- 11. Clarify the result Original: by Suggested revision: after Why it matters: 'After sharing' clearly presents the improved feeling as a result of telling their stories.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: stay away from crimes Suggested revision: avoid crime Why it matters: The standard general collocation is 'avoid crime', with 'crime' used as a mass noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- from the isolation and punishment from isolation and punishment
- experience about the prison life experience of prison life
- experience experiences
- with the teenagers with teenagers
- a great arrangement to let the adolescents know an effective way to show adolescents
- how they suffer for this how they suffer as a result
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops several relevant reasons why rehabilitated offenders can influence teenagers, including a useful comparison with teachers and media. Its main weakness is presentation and language control: the entire essay forms one paragraph, and recurring agreement, article, plural, and collocation errors reduce polish. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and proofreading core grammatical patterns while retaining the clear line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained and supported with relevant reasons, benefits, and comparisons with alternative forms of education.
Develop the central claim more critically by explaining when reformed prisoners would be especially effective and acknowledging practical limits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical sequence, but the absence of paragraph divisions weakens the organisation and makes progression less easy to follow.
Separate the rationale, benefits for offenders, comparison with alternatives, and conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, although recurring unnatural combinations and imprecise expressions limit control.
Use more natural collocations for prison experience, social reintegration, young audiences, and interactive educational sessions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but frequent article, agreement, number, and comparison errors reduce accuracy.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and singular-plural consistency, then check articles and comparative structures during proofreading.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.