Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The impact of international sporting events on peace and stability in the world is a subject of ongoing debate. While some argue that these events contribute significantly to promoting harmony and stability, I hold a different view. In my opinion, while international sporting events can foster temporary goodwill and camaraderie, they do not address the underlying root causes of conflicts and tensions among nations, and thus their impact on global peace and stability is limited.
One reason why international sporting events may not be as effective in promoting peace and stability is that they often serve as temporary distractions from deeper political and economic issues. While athletes from different nations come together to compete in a spirit of sportsmanship, the underlying political tensions and conflicts between their countries remain unresolved. For example, the Olympic Games have witnessed instances where athletes from nations with historical disputes compete, yet the root causes of those conflicts persist beyond the sporting event. The peace achieved during such events tends to be short-lived and does not address the complex issues at the heart of international disputes.
Moreover, international sporting events can sometimes exacerbate existing tensions between nations, especially when they are hosted in politically sensitive regions. The bidding process for hosting such events can become highly competitive and politically charged, leading to controversies and disputes. For instance, the selection of Qatar as the host for the FIFA World Cup sparked debates over human rights concerns and allegations of corruption. Such issues not only overshadow the spirit of the event but can also strain relations between participating nations.
In conclusion, while international sporting events may foster fleeting cordiality and harmony among nations, their impact on promoting lasting peace and stability in the world is limited. Therefore, instead of diverting resources to host large-scale sporting events with the hope to get a positive result to maintain global peace, it is essential for nations to address the root causes of conflicts and work towards meaningful solutions that can lead to lasting peace and stability.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: is a subject of ongoing debate Suggested revision: is widely debated Why it matters: The shorter phrasing conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 2. Avoid verb stacking Original: contribute significantly to promoting Suggested revision: contribute significantly to Why it matters: Removing the extra gerund makes the collocation more concise.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: underlying root causes Suggested revision: root causes Why it matters: Root causes are already underlying, so both modifiers are unnecessary.
- 4. Use precise verb Original: serve as temporary distractions from Suggested revision: temporarily distract attention from Why it matters: The active verb states the relationship with political and economic issues more directly.
- 5. Avoid personification Original: have witnessed instances where Suggested revision: have included instances in which Why it matters: Events can include instances, whereas ‘witnessed’ personifies the Olympic Games.
- 6. Clarify modifier Original: from Suggested revision: representing Why it matters: ‘Representing’ makes the relationship between the athletes and nations explicit.
- 7. Qualify the claim Original: The Suggested revision: Any Why it matters: ‘Any’ aligns the claim with the essay’s cautious description of temporary goodwill.
- 8. Refine collocation Original: sparked debates over Suggested revision: sparked debate about Why it matters: The singular uncountable form is more natural for a general public controversy.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: impact on promoting Suggested revision: ability to promote Why it matters: ‘Ability to promote’ forms a clearer relationship with lasting peace and stability.
- 10. Simplify purpose phrase Original: with the hope to get a positive result to maintain global peace Suggested revision: in the hope of promoting global peace Why it matters: The revision removes vague wording and uses the standard ‘in the hope of’ construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- is a subject of ongoing debate is widely debated
- contribute significantly to promoting contribute significantly to
- underlying root causes root causes
- serve as temporary distractions from temporarily distract attention from
- have witnessed instances where have included instances in which
- from representing
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced disagreement and develops a logically sequenced case through two relevant lines of argument, supported by specific illustrations. Its main limitation is some repetition of the idea that sport cannot resolve underlying conflicts, alongside a few slightly awkward lexical and grammatical choices. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the second example's link to international stability and express the conclusion more concisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed through a clear position, two well-developed reasons, and relevant examples, though the Qatar example's connection to relations between nations could be more explicit.
Explain more directly how the hosting controversy affected international peace or stability so the second example fully proves the stated claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly despite some repetition of the root-causes argument.
Reduce repeated references to unresolved underlying conflicts by giving each paragraph a more distinct concluding insight.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and appropriately academic, with only occasional slightly awkward phrasing in the final paragraph.
Refine less natural phrases such as the wording about hoping for a positive result by choosing more concise idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used with strong control, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede communication.
Polish the final sentence's infinitive structure and preposition choices while retaining the existing syntactic variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.