Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Sports, in the past, used to be considered a juvenile activity confined to parks and indoors only. But, these days, they have pushed the boundaries and attracted national and international players and audiences by bringing people closer. So, there is no denying that sports have the power to unite the world and maintain global peace, and I completely agree with this viewpoint.
Undoubtedly, sports at the international level play a sterling role in diplomatic relations among different nations. Owing to historical or political reasons, not all countries are at peace with each other. Admittedly, sports evoke similar pleasure and satisfaction as a victory in a war does, but it brings nations together. Moreover, global sports events can be icebreakers as competitors from nations create a common platform for global leaders, organizations, and athletes to interact in a more convenient and sophisticated way. A good illustration is the Olympic games in which the whole world can be brought together and this has a positive impact on maintaining global harmony.
Furthermore, sports evoke high nationalistic passions towards the country along with providing a platform for patriotic emotions to be released. It is a constructive way to exhibit one's patriotic emotions. Even, international sporting events such as the Commonwealth Games bring recognition to small countries. For instance, it is difficult to know about the West Indies and Nepal, however, they are well-known countries just because of their cricket teams. By and large, the sport is the only activity that delivers a clear message of peace and paves the road to building world harmony.
To reiterate, sports involve positive activity that kills negativity and brings peace and joy to the world by bringing people and global leaders together. Thus international sporting affairs have the power to maintain and mend global stability, conformity and peace.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix parallel wording Original: confined to parks and indoors only Suggested revision: confined to parks and indoor venues Why it matters: The original phrase mixes a location with an adverb and uses an unnecessary limiting word.
- 2. Remove misplaced comma Original: But, these days, Suggested revision: But these days, Why it matters: A comma should not separate the coordinating conjunction from the following introductory phrase.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: sterling Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: “Significant role” is a more natural academic collocation in this context.
- 4. Correct comparison form Original: similar pleasure and satisfaction as Suggested revision: pleasure and satisfaction similar to those of Why it matters: The adjective “similar” takes “to,” and “those” clearly supplies the objects being compared.
- 5. Match plural subject Original: but it brings Suggested revision: but they bring Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject “sports.”
- 6. Capitalize proper name Original: games Suggested revision: Games Why it matters: Both words are capitalized in the official name of the event.
- 7. Clarify patriotic feeling Original: nationalistic passions towards the country Suggested revision: patriotic feelings toward their country Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended idea more naturally and supplies a clear possessor.
- 8. Reduce awkward phrasing Original: along with providing a platform for patriotic emotions to be released Suggested revision: while providing an outlet for patriotic emotions Why it matters: “Provide an outlet” is the natural collocation for expressing emotions.
- 9. Remove unnecessary comma Original: Even, Suggested revision: Even Why it matters: The adverb should not be separated by a comma from the phrase it modifies.
- 10. Remove incorrect article Original: the sport is the only activity Suggested revision: sport is the only activity Why it matters: “Sport” is used here as an uncountable general activity and does not take “the.”
- 11. Correct fixed expression Original: paves the road to building Suggested revision: paves the way for building Why it matters: The established expression is “pave the way for,” followed by a gerund.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: activity Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: The general reference to multiple sporting pursuits requires a plural count noun here.
Suggested Rewrites
- confined to parks and indoors only confined to parks and indoor venues
- But, these days, But these days,
- sterling significant
- similar pleasure and satisfaction as pleasure and satisfaction similar to those of
- but it brings but they bring
- games Games
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops a coherent argument through relevant discussion of diplomacy, shared events, and national recognition. Its main limitation is that several claims, especially the link between patriotism or sporting recognition and lasting peace, are asserted rather than convincingly explained. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer ideas with more precise causal reasoning and credible, directly relevant examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and relevant ideas are developed, although some support is broad or only loosely connected to stability.
Explain more precisely how each sporting outcome produces peace and use a well-grounded example to substantiate the claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen the internal progression of the second body paragraph so that recognition, patriotism, and peace form one explicit argument.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic vocabulary is used, but several collocations and expressions are strained or imprecise.
Choose more natural combinations such as promote stability or foster cooperation and avoid inflated phrasing that weakens precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is generally controlled, with only occasional agreement, punctuation, and construction errors.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and ensure every comparison and clause has a grammatically clear relationship.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.