Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
International sporting events, such as the Olympics and the World Cup, have become an integral part of the global community of sports and fans. Many people argue that these events not only promote friendly competition and national pride but also contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. I strongly agree with this view, and in this essay, I will elaborate on the reasons why.
Firstly, international sporting events provide a platform for nations to come together and showcase their talents and achievements. This can help to foster positive relationships between countries, promoting a sense of unity and cooperation. For example, the 2018 Winter Olympics held in Pyeongchang, South Korea, helped to ease tensions between North and South Korea, leading to a historic meeting between the two country's leaders.
Secondly, these events have the power to inspire and unite people, transcending language, culture, and political differences. The shared experience of watching and supporting one's team or country can create a sense of common purpose and identity, helping to overcome conflicts and misunderstandings. This was evident during the 2010 World Cup held in South Africa, where the tournament brought together a divided nation and helped to heal the wounds of apartheid.
Finally, international sporting events can also serve as a platform for promoting peace and social justice. For example, the Olympics and the Paralympics have a tradition of promoting human rights and equality, while the FIFA World Cup has been used as a platform to raise awareness about social issues such as racism and poverty.
In conclusion, international sporting events are an important tool for promoting peace and stability in the world. They provide a platform for nations to come together, inspire and unite people, and promote peace and social justice. Therefore, it is important to continue to support and encourage these events, as they have the potential to bring about positive change in the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: the global community of sports and fans Suggested revision: the global sporting community Why it matters: The revision expresses the international community around sport more naturally and concisely.
- 2. Remove wordiness Original: in this essay, I will elaborate on the reasons why Suggested revision: I will explain why Why it matters: The replacement avoids a formulaic and unnecessarily long phrase while preserving the writer's meaning.
- 3. Use concise verb form Original: help to foster Suggested revision: help foster Why it matters: The bare infinitive after 'help' makes the sentence more concise without changing its meaning.
- 4. Fix plural possessive Original: the two country's leaders Suggested revision: the two countries' leaders Why it matters: The leaders belong to two countries, so the plural possessive form is required.
- 5. Make modifiers parallel Original: transcending language, culture, and political differences Suggested revision: transcending linguistic, cultural, and political differences Why it matters: Using three adjectives creates a grammatically parallel list modifying 'differences'.
- 6. Clarify the alternatives Original: watching and supporting one's team or country Suggested revision: watching and supporting one's team or national side Why it matters: The revision makes the two sporting referents more precise and parallel.
- 7. Avoid repeated metaphor Original: serve as a platform for promoting Suggested revision: promote Why it matters: The direct verb removes an unnecessarily repeated platform metaphor.
- 8. Use precise noun Original: tool Suggested revision: means Why it matters: 'Means' more precisely describes events as a way of pursuing peace and stability.
- 9. Remove awkward pairing Original: support and encourage these events Suggested revision: support these events Why it matters: Events can be supported, whereas encouraging the events themselves is awkward and redundant here.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, the Olympics and the Paralympics have a tradition of promoting human rights and equality, while the FIFA World Cup has been used as a platform to raise awareness about social issues such as racism and poverty. Suggested revision: For example, the Olympics and Paralympics have traditionally promoted human rights and equality, while the FIFA World Cup has raised awareness of social issues such as racism and poverty. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repeated abstract phrasing and presents the two examples in a clearer parallel structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- the global community of sports and fans the global sporting community
- in this essay, I will elaborate on the reasons why I will explain why
- help to foster help foster
- the two country's leaders the two countries' leaders
- transcending language, culture, and political differences transcending linguistic, cultural, and political differences
- watching and supporting one's team or country watching and supporting one's team or national side
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay offers a clear, consistent position and supports it with relevant international examples in a fluent, easy-to-follow progression. Its main limitation is that the final argument about social justice is briefer and less directly connected to global peace and stability than the preceding points. The highest-priority improvement is to analyse that connection more explicitly while reducing repeated wording around platforms, promotion, and unity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is fully addressed with a consistent position and relevant supporting examples, though the final main idea is less fully developed.
Explain precisely how advocacy for human rights and equality produces peace or stability rather than leaving the connection implied.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly through distinct supporting reasons, with effective paragraphing and generally smooth cohesion.
Use less formulaic sequencing and build a stronger logical bridge between the social-justice paragraph and the central claim.
Lexical Resource
A strong range of topic-appropriate vocabulary conveys ideas precisely, although several key terms and phrases are repeated.
Vary repeated expressions such as platform, promote, and come together while preserving their precise meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and only occasional minor errors are evident.
Proofread possessive forms and noun agreement carefully, especially constructions such as references to two countries and their leaders.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.