Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Many language specialists suggest that teaching a foreign language at elementary school is more effective and beneficial for learners than introducing it at secondary school. In this essay, the drawbacks and benefits of this method will be analysed first and then expressed that it has more significant drawbacks than benefits.
A major advantage of introducing foreign language classes to primary school students is that it helps them become bilingual at an early age. Being bilingual at such a tender age improves their cognitive flexibility, problem-solving capacity, and academic performance. They tend to outperform monolingual learners in academic and extracurricular activities. To cite an example, most bilingual primary school students, according to statistics published by the Language Learners Research Institute in Spain, showcased better cognitive abilities and academic performance compared to their monolingual peers.
A significant drawback of teaching young elementary school learners a foreign language is that it puts extra burdens on young learners who are already dazzled with other academic subjects like mathematics, science, arts, literature and so on. This extra pressure may be a leading cause for them to develop apathy towards schools and learning as a whole. For instance, my seven years old sister liked school so much that she never wanted to miss it. Lately, she was coming up with every single excuse her young mind could fathom to avoid school. After some successful counselling sessions, it was revealed that she lost her interest to go to school because of academic pressure coupled with two language learning classes. This event has opened my eyes to how putting pressure on teaching extra languages can be negative for children when they are already overwhelmed with their academic work.
To conclude, learning foreign languages and being bilingual is important for learners. But when they are imposed on primary schoolgoers, they can apparently be more negative than useful.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use academic verb Original: showcased Suggested revision: demonstrated Why it matters: Demonstrated is more natural for reporting abilities and performance in this context.
- 2. Fix number and collocation Original: puts extra burdens on Suggested revision: places an extra burden on Why it matters: The singular expression an extra burden and the verb places form the correct collocation.
- 3. Use correct collocation Original: dazzled with Suggested revision: overwhelmed by Why it matters: Dazzled does not express being overburdened by academic subjects.
- 4. Use subject name Original: arts Suggested revision: art Why it matters: Art is normally used in the singular when naming a school subject.
- 5. Fix verb pattern Original: cause for them to develop Suggested revision: cause them to develop Why it matters: Cause takes a direct object followed by a to-infinitive in this structure.
- 6. Use idiomatic phrase Original: schools Suggested revision: school Why it matters: School is used without the plural when referring generally to the experience of attending it.
- 7. Hyphenate age adjective Original: seven years old sister Suggested revision: seven-year-old sister Why it matters: An age used before a noun forms a singular hyphenated compound adjective.
- 8. Fix complement pattern Original: lost her interest to go Suggested revision: lost interest in going Why it matters: Lose interest is followed by in and a gerund in this context.
- 9. Clarify pressure source Original: putting pressure on teaching extra languages Suggested revision: pressuring children to learn additional languages Why it matters: The revision clearly identifies who experiences the pressure and uses a natural verb pattern.
- 10. Match task terminology Original: benefits Suggested revision: advantages Why it matters: Advantages aligns more precisely with the comparison required by the task.
- 11. Use academic phrasing Original: such a tender age Suggested revision: such an early age Why it matters: Early age is more neutral and appropriate for an academic discussion.
- 12. Fix comparison target Original: compared to their monolingual peers Suggested revision: than those of their monolingual peers Why it matters: The revision compares abilities and performance with equivalent qualities rather than with people.
Suggested Rewrites
- showcased demonstrated
- puts extra burdens on places an extra burden on
- dazzled with overwhelmed by
- arts art
- cause for them to develop cause them to develop
- schools school
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response has a clear position and develops both an advantage and a disadvantage with concrete support, especially in the detailed account of academic pressure. Its main limitation is that the comparison is somewhat unbalanced and relies heavily on one personal anecdote to justify the conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the relative significance of the two sides more explicitly using broader reasoning and evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the comparative question clearly and supports both sides, although the case that disadvantages outweigh advantages is only partly evaluated.
Make the outweigh judgement more convincing by directly comparing the scale and likelihood of the stated benefit and drawback.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and the argument progresses logically from the advantage to the disadvantage and conclusion.
Strengthen the link between the personal example and the wider claim rather than allowing the anecdote to dominate the paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad vocabulary, but several awkward or inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more idiomatic combinations, such as 'place an extra burden on learners' and 'lose interest in attending school.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures is used successfully, though recurring errors in agreement, possessives, articles, and complementation are evident.
Review noun phrases and verb patterns carefully, especially forms such as 'seven-year-old sister' and 'pressure from extra language classes.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.