Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Same question Compare 5 different answersSample Response
[Benefits of it are far more substantial than drawbacks]
Some specialists in language studies think that if young children start learning a second language at primary schools, they will reap more benefits than those who attempt it in their secondary schools. This essay will analyse both its advantages and drawbacks of it, and assert that the advantages of this method are far more substantial than the disadvantages.
The primary disadvantage of teaching primary school children a foreign language is that it could perhaps be a distraction for young minds. Those children need to learn the number system, reading and writing, and not memorise strange grammatical and punctuation rules of a language they perhaps will never use in their life. This could be a huge waste of time and a distraction for learners from acquiring more important skills. For instance, more than 60% of learners of a foreign language in primary schools never master the language and hardly use it in their adult life. Thus the time spent teaching young children could be better utilised on more useful and practical subjects.
One tremendous advantage of early foreign language learning is the promotion of cultural awareness and global understanding among young learners. Learning a new language exposes children to different cultures, customs, and traditions, fostering a sense of curiosity and open-mindedness. By understanding and appreciating diverse perspectives, children are more likely to become global citizens who can engage effectively in an increasingly interconnected world. For instance, research has shown that students who study foreign languages from an early age tend to develop a greater appreciation for cultural diversity and are more receptive to collaborating with individuals from different backgrounds. Thus, by offering improved cognitive development and promoting cultural awareness, early foreign language learning at the primary school level can enrich the educational experience and provide valuable skills for young learners as they navigate an increasingly globalized world.
In conclusion, it is evident the benefits of teaching elementary children a foreign language far outweigh the drawbacks. Therefore, parents and teachers should take the initiative so that young learners get exposed to a foreign language as soon as they start primary school.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning note Original: [Benefits of it are far more substantial than drawbacks] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This bracketed note reads as a drafting label rather than part of the essay.
- 2. Remove duplicate pronoun Original: both its advantages and drawbacks of it Suggested revision: both its advantages and drawbacks Why it matters: 'Its' and 'of it' duplicate the same grammatical function.
- 3. Match plural possessive Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive 'their' requires the distributive plural 'lives' here.
- 4. Fix noun construction Original: a distraction for learners from acquiring Suggested revision: a distraction that prevents learners from acquiring Why it matters: The original prepositional pattern is ungrammatical after 'distraction'.
- 5. Use measured emphasis Original: tremendous Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: 'Significant' provides more appropriate academic emphasis than the subjective intensifier 'tremendous'.
- 6. Remove undeveloped reference Original: offering improved cognitive development and Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Cognitive development has not been discussed in this paragraph, so the reference breaks the summary's progression.
- 7. Keep spelling consistent Original: globalized Suggested revision: globalised Why it matters: British spelling is more consistent with 'analyse' and 'utilised' elsewhere in the response.
- 8. Add clause marker Original: it is evident the benefits Suggested revision: it is evident that the benefits Why it matters: The adjective 'evident' requires 'that' before the following clause.
- 9. Use consistent term Original: teaching elementary children Suggested revision: teaching primary-school children Why it matters: 'Primary-school children' matches the terminology used throughout the task and response.
- 10. Use formal passive Original: get Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The passive with 'are' is more natural and appropriately formal in this context.
- 11. Avoid double hedging Original: it could perhaps be Suggested revision: it could be Why it matters: 'Could' already expresses uncertainty, so 'perhaps' is redundant.
- 12. Use stage singular Original: schools Suggested revision: school Why it matters: The singular form is conventional when referring generally to an educational stage.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Benefits of it are far more substantial than drawbacks] Delete
- both its advantages and drawbacks of it both its advantages and drawbacks
- life lives
- a distraction for learners from acquiring a distraction that prevents learners from acquiring
- tremendous significant
- offering improved cognitive development and Delete
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops a coherent cultural-awareness benefit with generally strong academic language and controlled complex sentences. Its main limitation is that the claim that advantages outweigh disadvantages is supported mainly by one advantage, while cognitive development appears only at the end of the discussion and some assertions lack convincing support. Develop and compare a second distinct benefit before drawing the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both sides and states a consistent judgement, but the outweighing case relies largely on one developed advantage.
Develop the cognitive benefit as a separate argument and explicitly compare its importance with the stated distraction risk.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear overall progression and focused paragraphs, though the late reference to cognitive development weakens the internal logic slightly.
Introduce each claimed benefit in its own topic sentence before explaining and exemplifying it.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise academic vocabulary conveys the argument effectively, despite a few awkward or overstated choices.
Use more measured wording for claims and replace less natural phrases such as the number system and get exposed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequent and mostly well controlled, with only occasional errors in clause construction and complementation.
Edit malformed patterns such as analyse both its advantages and drawbacks of it and add required linking words after evaluative expressions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.