Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
One of the highly controversial issue today relates to whether to begin learning a foreign language at primary school or at secondary school. This essay will further discuss whether extending foreign language study to the primary stages is beneficial and if disadvantages may occur in the later stages.
On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of practising a foreign language at primary school considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is that the children have the golden age period when they are at elementary school. One good illustration of this is some developed countries have been implementing the bilingual language in the primary school’s curriculum for decades, and most of the children can speak the second language as well as their native language. Another reason is that children are much more enthusiastic about exploring and learning new things at a young age. The timetable for them should allow more frequent, shorter sessions for maintaining learner’s enthusiasm and progress.
Opponents reckon that the students at secondary school are better prepared than at primary school for acquiring a new language. However, there is no actual evidence to support this view and children at their early ages (ranging from 5 to 10) can even learn faster and are better at pronunciation. For example, my second daughter had started to learn English when she was five years old and can speak English more fluently compared to her older sister, who just learnt English when she attended secondary school.
In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I tend to believe that learning a second language at an earlier age will have a more positive impact on most of the children around the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: issue Suggested revision: issues Why it matters: ‘One of the’ must be followed by a plural countable noun.
- 2. Remove redundant adverb Original: further discuss Suggested revision: discuss Why it matters: ‘Further’ is unnecessary because no earlier discussion has occurred.
- 3. Use natural phrase Original: to the primary stages Suggested revision: to primary school Why it matters: ‘Primary school’ is the natural term for the educational stage described here.
- 4. Improve embedded question Original: if disadvantages may occur Suggested revision: whether disadvantages may arise Why it matters: ‘Whether’ correctly introduces the alternative under discussion, and disadvantages ‘arise’.
- 5. Improve debate phrase Original: argument Suggested revision: debate Why it matters: ‘One side of the debate’ is the more natural expression for contrasting viewpoints.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: its disadvantages Suggested revision: the associated disadvantages Why it matters: The revision removes possible ambiguity about what ‘its’ refers to.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: The main reason for believing this Suggested revision: The main reason for this view Why it matters: This phrasing states the reference more concisely without changing the claim.
- 8. Remove generic article Original: that the children Suggested revision: that children Why it matters: The plural noun refers to children generally, so it should not take ‘the’.
- 9. Fix awkward collocation Original: have the golden age period Suggested revision: are at an ideal age Why it matters: People are ‘at an ideal age’; they do not ‘have’ an age period.
- 10. Use possessive form Original: The timetable for them Suggested revision: Their timetable Why it matters: The possessive determiner creates a more direct and natural noun phrase.
- 11. Express purpose correctly Original: for maintaining Suggested revision: to maintain Why it matters: An infinitive is the natural form for expressing the purpose of the sessions.
- 12. Use plural possessive Original: learner’s enthusiasm Suggested revision: learners’ enthusiasm Why it matters: The statement refers to learners in general, so the possessive noun should be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- issue issues
- further discuss discuss
- to the primary stages to primary school
- if disadvantages may occur whether disadvantages may arise
- argument debate
- its disadvantages the associated disadvantages
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear overall preference and supports the benefits of early language learning with relevant explanations and a personal example. Its main limitation is that it barely identifies or evaluates any genuine disadvantage, despite concluding that both sides have merit. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a specific drawback and then compare its significance directly with the stated benefits before reaching the final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The advantages are relevant and reasonably developed, but the disadvantages are not actually explained or weighed against them.
Add a concrete disadvantage and explicitly show why the advantages remain more significant after that comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is clearly paragraphed and progresses logically, although some linking language is mechanical and the opposing paragraph functions mainly as a rebuttal.
Use the body structure to present a genuine disadvantage before rebutting or outweighing it, creating a more complete argumentative progression.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied enough for the topic, but several awkward collocations and imprecise phrases reduce naturalness.
Replace expressions such as “golden age period” and “implementing the bilingual language” with precise, idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, but recurring agreement, article, possessive, and tense errors limit accuracy.
Check noun agreement and tense consistency systematically, particularly in examples that compare children’s learning experiences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.