Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?
Sample Response
In today's modern world, many students choose to go to university immediately after they finish school to acquire the knowledge and skills that are crucial in their future workplace. However, there are a handful of people who assert that the university should teach the students for its own sake without taking into considerations of whether it will benefit the employer. In my opinion, I think the major purpose of attending a university is to gain knowledge that is useful in our future jobs.
In these times of austerity, people are spending most of their adult life in working just to secure a decent job. Most of the organisations are, undoubtedly, will attract the talented and knowledgeable potential employees to work for them by offering a high salary. If a university is able to provide the students all the required knowledge and skills which play an indispensable role in their prospective jobs, it is, indirectly, opening up an avenue for them to get a well-paid job. As a result, they would benefit their family by supporting them financially. Thus, universities should teach their students about the knowledge that are required in their future careers so that they can secure a well-paid job. In addition, most of the employers are looking at the academic qualifications which they believe will bring them advantages during the interviews of job applicants. If the graduates are equipped with the desired knowledge and skills in university, they are more likely to be successfully employed owing to the fact that they can handle most of their jobs well as compared to those who lack certain knowledge in the work field. Admittedly, it will help to lower the rate of unemployment which becomes more severe than before around the globe. Hence, it is proven that the graduates with high qualifications and knowledge required in a specific workplace will definitely get a higher chance of getting a higher position in an organisation.
In conclusion, if all the universities are providing their students with the knowledge and skills which are important in their future careers, the graduates can easily secure a decent job with a high paid in the twenty-first century. I believe that all the graduates will achieve their aspirations in their jobs if they are well-equipped with the required knowledge.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Preposition choice Original: crucial in their future workplace Suggested revision: crucial for their future workplace Why it matters: Crucial for is more natural in this context.
- 2. Wrong noun form Original: without taking into considerations Suggested revision: without taking into consideration Why it matters: The fixed expression uses the singular form consideration.
- 3. Extra verb Original: Most of the organisations are, undoubtedly, will attract Suggested revision: Most organisations will undoubtedly attract Why it matters: Do not use are before will attract.
- 4. Wordiness Original: potential employees to work for them Suggested revision: talented potential employees Why it matters: The phrase to work for them is unnecessary here.
- 5. Missing preposition Original: provide the students all the required knowledge Suggested revision: provide students with all the required knowledge Why it matters: Provide someone with something is the correct pattern.
- 6. Formal collocation Original: opening up an avenue Suggested revision: creating an opportunity Why it matters: This is clearer and less inflated.
- 7. Agreement error Original: knowledge that are required Suggested revision: knowledge that is required Why it matters: Knowledge is uncountable and takes is.
- 8. Tense choice Original: most of the employers are looking at Suggested revision: most employers look at Why it matters: Use present simple for a general claim.
- 9. Unnatural phrase Original: bring them advantages during the interviews Suggested revision: give applicants an advantage in interviews Why it matters: This more clearly states who benefits.
- 10. Concise comparison Original: as compared to those Suggested revision: compared with those Why it matters: This is more concise and formal.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: in the work field Suggested revision: in the workplace Why it matters: Workplace is the usual term.
- 12. Tense consistency Original: which becomes more severe Suggested revision: which has become more severe Why it matters: Present perfect fits a problem that has developed over time.
Suggested Rewrites
- crucial in their future workplace crucial for their future workplace
- without taking into considerations without taking into consideration
- Most of the organisations are, undoubtedly, will attract Most organisations will undoubtedly attract
- potential employees to work for them talented potential employees
- provide the students all the required knowledge provide students with all the required knowledge
- opening up an avenue creating an opportunity
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear opinion that universities should mainly prepare students for work, but it barely develops the opposing view about knowledge for its own sake.
Dedicate one body paragraph to the value of broad knowledge, then explain why workplace preparation should still be the main function.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, but the main body is very long and contains repeated points about employability.
Split the body into two balanced paragraphs and use topic sentences to separate employment benefits from the opposing academic-purpose view.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is generally relevant and sometimes academic, but several collocations are inaccurate or wordy.
Use direct phrases such as workplace skills, academic knowledge, employability, job applicants, unemployment, and career prospects.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses complex sentences, but frequent article, agreement, and word-form errors reduce accuracy and fluency.
Check subject-verb agreement after organisations and universities, and use correct noun forms after prepositions.