Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
Gone are the days when schools were only meant for study. Now children have a wide variety of additional classes available in schools such as music. Undeniably, some people believe that these activities serve no useful purpose, but I fully dissent with this argument.
The very first reason for this lack of consensus is that they are the boon for unprivileged children. Almost everywhere there are children from such section of society, which cannot afford such pleasures outside school premises due to the associated cost. Take an example of wards of lower income demographics in developing nations; they hardly have money to shell out for these kinds of programs. Therefore, such facilities will help them pursue their aspirations in music, sports etcetera.
Another factor that favours such extra activities is that they help pupils to relax. They already have so much to combat in their curriculum in order to stay ahead in this world of cut-throat competition that it will be wrong to snatch this little time from them for studying same subjects like computers and science again. It has been proven by research that students perform better if they are allowed to follow their passion side by side.
In crux, I would say that devoting time to music, sports and so on in schools cannot be called sheer wastage of times since it can help the children of poor citizens to follow their desire to learn something apart from studies. Moreover, they provide a great relief to all the students from the monotonous schedule of studies.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the meaning Original: meant for study Suggested revision: intended only for academic study Why it matters: The revised phrase distinguishes academic study from additional school activities.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: dissent Suggested revision: disagree Why it matters: A person 'disagrees with' an argument; 'dissent' is not used this way here.
- 3. Clarify pronoun and article Original: they are the boon Suggested revision: these classes are a boon Why it matters: The explicit noun removes the unclear pronoun, and the idiom requires 'a boon'.
- 4. Use standard adjective Original: unprivileged Suggested revision: underprivileged Why it matters: 'Underprivileged' is the standard term for children with limited economic opportunities.
- 5. Correct determiner agreement Original: section Suggested revision: sections Why it matters: The general plural reference requires 'sections'.
- 6. Use neutral wording Original: pleasures Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: 'Activities' accurately refers to lessons without presenting them merely as indulgences.
- 7. Use clear wording Original: wards of lower income demographics Suggested revision: children from lower-income groups Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and obscures the reference to disadvantaged children.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: shell out Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: 'Spend' is more appropriate than the informal phrasal verb in an academic essay.
- 9. Punctuate the list Original: music, sports etcetera Suggested revision: music, sports, and similar activities Why it matters: The revision completes the list clearly and avoids the informal open-ended ending.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: combat Suggested revision: manage Why it matters: Students manage a heavy curriculum rather than combat it.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: snatch this little time from them Suggested revision: take this limited time away from them Why it matters: The revised phrase preserves the meaning in a more academic register.
- 12. Correct the phrase Original: for studying same subjects like Suggested revision: to study the same subjects, such as Why it matters: The infinitive expresses purpose, 'subjects' needs an article, and examples take 'such as'.
Suggested Rewrites
- meant for study intended only for academic study
- dissent disagree
- they are the boon these classes are a boon
- unprivileged underprivileged
- section sections
- pleasures activities
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and supports music education with two relevant, well-organised reasons: access for lower-income children and relief from academic pressure. Its main limitation is lexical precision, as several ambitious expressions sound unnatural and slightly weaken otherwise clear development. Prioritise direct, idiomatic wording and connect the claimed benefits more explicitly to why school time and funding are justified.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and two relevant reasons are developed with examples that address both access and the value of time spent on music.
Make the cost argument explicit by explaining why school-funded provision delivers benefits that justify the expenditure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear progression, with only occasional vague referencing and formulaic phrasing.
Use precise topic sentences and ensure pronouns such as 'they' refer unmistakably to music classes or students.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range, but strained expressions such as 'fully dissent,' 'wards of lower income demographics,' and 'In crux' reduce naturalness.
Prefer direct alternatives such as 'strongly disagree,' 'children from low-income families,' and 'In conclusion.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although article, agreement, pronoun, and noun-form errors recur.
Check articles and singular-plural agreement in phrases such as 'a section of society,' 'waste of time,' and references to music classes.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.