Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
Child education & their curriculum is always a matter of controversy, especially among parents. Though some people are against to spend a great deal of money and other resources for music classes in school, I hold the view that this is not a waste of time and money if school curriculum and syllabus are arranged wisely. One obvious reason to support my view is that this is a great opportunity to identify people's hidden talents in music and playing music instruments. Many students have a good deal of extra talents along with academic excellence in these days. This extra talent identification and promotion would be helpful not only for the individual but also for the whole society in various ways. Apart from that, music classes are stepping stone of many music maestros and professional singers in these days. For instance, renowned musician Muhammed Shafi strongly mentioned in his biography that the school music classes remoulded his career as a professional singer. Another justification to support my opinion is that the music classes immensely help to reduce tension and stress which occurs while the study of complex subjects. To be more precise, students feel relaxation while attending music classes in the midst of Mathematics and Science classes. Besides, these refreshments enhance the concentration in other subjects in a great extent. On top of that, students can get academic excellence. To cite an example, recent research has doubtlessly proven that the music tremendously enhances the brain activities, especially concentrations. Some others argue that the science and computer subject allocation must be increased instead of music classes. They argue that these subjects are playing leading role in the contemporary world. Perhaps it may be true, but we cannot deny that this is a great opportunity to identify and promote the future singers, who also are the major part of our society. Taking everything into consideration, wise allocation of each subject, including music, in the curriculum will countlessly contribute to school children's overall development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use gerund after against Original: against to spend Suggested revision: against spending Why it matters: The preposition against takes a gerund rather than an infinitive.
- 2. Use spending preposition Original: for Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Resources are spent on an activity rather than for it in this construction.
- 3. Remove article and intensity Original: the music tremendously enhances Suggested revision: music greatly enhances Why it matters: Music takes no article in this general sense, and greatly is the natural degree adverb here.
- 4. Remove redundant syllabus Original: school curriculum and syllabus are arranged Suggested revision: the school curriculum is designed Why it matters: Curriculum and syllabus overlap here, and the singular noun requires a singular verb.
- 5. Use student reference Original: people's hidden talents Suggested revision: students' hidden talents Why it matters: The sentence concerns pupils in school music classes, so students is the accurate possessive.
- 6. Use musical instruments Original: music Suggested revision: musical Why it matters: Musical is the standard adjective modifying instruments.
- 7. Use uncountable talent Original: a good deal of extra talents Suggested revision: considerable additional talent Why it matters: Talent is uncountable in this general sense, so a good deal of cannot modify the plural form.
- 8. Use natural time phrase Original: academic excellence in these days Suggested revision: academic excellence these days Why it matters: These days does not take the preposition in.
- 9. Use plural and preposition Original: stepping stone of Suggested revision: stepping stones for Why it matters: The plural subject classes requires stepping stones, followed by for to name beneficiaries.
- 10. Use natural people phrase Original: many music maestros and professional singers in these days Suggested revision: many musicians and professional singers today Why it matters: Musicians is a natural general term, and today replaces the incorrect time phrase.
- 11. Use reporting verb Original: strongly mentioned Suggested revision: stated Why it matters: State is the appropriate reporting verb, while strongly does not naturally modify mention.
- 12. Use career collocation Original: remoulded Suggested revision: shaped Why it matters: Shape a career is the natural collocation for influencing professional development.
Suggested Rewrites
- against to spend against spending
- for on
- the music tremendously enhances music greatly enhances
- school curriculum and syllabus are arranged the school curriculum is designed
- people's hidden talents students' hidden talents
- music musical
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion and develops relevant benefits of music education through talent discovery, career opportunities, stress relief, and improved concentration. Its main limitations are the complete absence of paragraphing and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors, which make a generally logical argument feel crowded and less precise. The highest priority is to organise the two main benefits into separate paragraphs and revise each sentence for natural academic expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and supported with several relevant reasons and examples, although some claims about achievement and social benefit are broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop two strongest benefits in depth and explain exactly how music study complements rather than displaces science and computing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence and uses many signposts, but the entire response is one paragraph and cohesion becomes mechanical and crowded.
Create distinct introduction, talent-development, well-being, counterargument, and conclusion paragraphs with fewer announcing phrases.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some range, but recurring inaccurate word forms and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use conventional phrases such as 'school curricula', 'discover musical talent', 'relieve stress', and 'improve concentration' consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, plurals, and verb patterns weaken grammatical control.
Proofread every sentence for article and preposition use, then correct verb patterns such as 'oppose spending' and 'help reduce stress'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.