Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
There is a general belief that music subject in school does not add any value to the children’s education. As an alternative, the time and money should be spent on more important subjects, for example, science and IT. Although there are arguments on both sides, I strongly agree that music should be banned from the school program. The school program is getting more difficult and children need to cope with all new requirements and practice a lot in order to be able to have good marks. For example, in the past children were required only to read and they were asked only basic math to be able to solve. However, the level of difficulty modern students are required to learn is significantly higher. For this reason, music should be removed from school curriculum and children should not waste their time and parents money on it. The next point that needs to be taken into consideration is that music is an essential subject only for children who have a special talent on it. In this case, those with talent could be educated in music school but not in state general school. For instance, every city has at least three music schools where children could be taught various music subjects such as the history of music, compositors, how to play on a guitar or a violin. To sum up, it is evident that music subject should not be included in school curriculum due to the necessity to spend more time and money on practice with more useful subjects like science and IT. I firmly believe that those who wish to learn music should study it in the music schools and do not waste time and money in ordinary school.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article structure Original: that music subject in school Suggested revision: that music as a school subject Why it matters: As a school subject is the grammatical way to describe music's curricular role.
- 2. Remove article Original: the time and money should Suggested revision: time and money should Why it matters: Time and money are used generally here and do not require the.
- 3. Use curriculum term Original: program Suggested revision: curriculum Why it matters: Curriculum is the more precise term for subjects taught in school.
- 4. Refine academic phrasing Original: The school program is getting Suggested revision: The school curriculum is becoming Why it matters: Curriculum and becoming are more natural in this context.
- 5. Clarify demands Original: cope with all new requirements Suggested revision: meet increasingly demanding requirements Why it matters: The revision expresses the rising academic demands more precisely.
- 6. Use academic wording Original: practice a lot Suggested revision: study extensively Why it matters: Study extensively is more formal and precise.
- 7. Wrong mark collocation Original: have Suggested revision: earn Why it matters: Students earn or achieve marks rather than have them.
- 8. Faulty clause structure Original: were asked only basic math to be able to solve Suggested revision: were asked to solve only basic maths problems Why it matters: The revision supplies the correct infinitive pattern and object.
- 9. Faulty noun clause Original: level of difficulty modern students are required to learn Suggested revision: difficulty of what modern students are required to learn Why it matters: Students learn content, not a level of difficulty.
- 10. Missing article Original: from school curriculum Suggested revision: from the school curriculum Why it matters: Curriculum needs the definite article in this specific school context.
- 11. Missing possessive Original: parents money Suggested revision: parents' money Why it matters: The apostrophe marks money belonging to parents.
- 12. Wrong talent phrase Original: on Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Talent is followed by for in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- that music subject in school that music as a school subject
- the time and money should time and money should
- program curriculum
- The school program is getting The school curriculum is becoming
- cope with all new requirements meet increasingly demanding requirements
- practice a lot study extensively
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest aspect is its consistent position that mainstream schools should prioritise academic subjects, supported by two identifiable reasons about curriculum pressure and specialist provision for talented musicians. The argument remains somewhat narrow and relies on broad or doubtful examples, while persistent language inaccuracies reduce polish. Prioritise deeper explanation of how reallocating lesson time or funding would benefit pupils, using one credible example and acknowledging the educational value music might still provide.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is maintained and supported with relevant reasons, but the reasoning is only partly developed and examples such as every city having three music schools are unsubstantiated.
Develop one specific educational benefit of reallocating music time or funding and address a plausible benefit of music before explaining why the academic priority still prevails.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses from a clear position through two reasons to a consistent conclusion, but the single-paragraph format and formulaic transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason and the conclusion into focused paragraphs, using fewer stock linking phrases.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for education and curriculum issues, with some less common attempts, but recurring collocation and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as 'music as a school subject', 'the general school curriculum', 'a talent for music' and 'composers'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, although article, possessive and clause-structure errors occur regularly without usually obscuring meaning.
Check possessives such as 'parents' money', add articles before 'the school curriculum', and keep coordinated verbs parallel after modal structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.