Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Cristiano Ronaldo, David Beckham, Tiger woods are some famous sports professionals who earn a great deal. The reason behind these great deals is the constant media attention on them. However, it is true that they do not contribute too much to a society like doctors and scientist. Sports professionals who earn a great deal of money are the hard workers in their respective field. They use all their efforts for the success of their one and of their teams. The person with real talent in the field are very few that is why they worth the deal. Even more, A player has a short career and he is tested in that period with the massive competition on the respective field. The pressure of media is intense and there is no privacy in their life. So, this can also justify the huge earnings. However, Sports professional does not contribute more to the society. Other high profile professionals like doctors make a great contribution to the society by treating sick and injured people. Furthermore, scientists who work for the new invention and climate change also contribute more for the society. If we favour these points then they must have a great deal of money. However, the salary of sports professional is not determined by the percentage they contribute to society. Personally, I think the mega deal of money sports professional received is more justified than the huge earnings of the movie stars. This also points out the importance and value of sports than on other professions and achievements.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Capitalise the surname Original: woods Suggested revision: Woods Why it matters: Both parts of the proper name require capital letters.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: attention on them Suggested revision: attention they receive Why it matters: “Attention they receive” is the natural way to express the media focus on these professionals.
- 3. Remove the article Original: to a society Suggested revision: to society Why it matters: “Society” is used without an article when it refers generally to the community.
- 4. Use the plural Original: scientist Suggested revision: scientists Why it matters: The general comparison requires both profession nouns in the plural.
- 5. Remove the article Original: are the hard workers Suggested revision: are hard workers Why it matters: The plural complement “hard workers” does not take “the” in this general statement.
- 6. Use a plural noun Original: field Suggested revision: fields Why it matters: The plural subject refers to professionals working in multiple respective fields.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: use all their efforts Suggested revision: make every effort Why it matters: English uses “make an effort,” not “use an effort.”
- 8. Clarify the meaning Original: success of their one Suggested revision: success of their own careers Why it matters: “Their own careers” expresses the intended personal success clearly.
- 9. Fix transition and case Original: Even more, A player Suggested revision: Moreover, a player Why it matters: “Moreover” is the appropriate additive transition, and “a” should not be capitalised after the comma.
- 10. Correct the prepositions Original: tested in that period with Suggested revision: tested during that period by Why it matters: The time period takes “during,” while the source of the test is introduced by “by.”
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: massive competition on the respective field Suggested revision: intense competition in their respective fields Why it matters: “Intense competition in a field” is the natural collocation, with plural agreement for players generally.
- 12. Fix number agreement Original: no privacy in their life Suggested revision: little privacy in their lives Why it matters: The plural possessive subject requires “lives,” and “little privacy” is more natural here.
Suggested Rewrites
- woods Woods
- attention on them attention they receive
- to a society to society
- scientist scientists
- are the hard workers are hard workers
- field fields
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its recognition of credible arguments on both sides, including athletes’ short careers and the greater social contribution of doctors and scientists. Its main limitation is that the final opinion compares athletes with movie stars instead of clearly judging whether their pay relative to other important professionals is fair. Prioritise stating a direct verdict on that comparison and organising each view in a separate paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views receive relevant support, but the writer’s own opinion does not directly resolve the comparison in the question and the final reasoning is unclear.
State explicitly whether athletes’ higher earnings than doctors and scientists are justified, then support that judgment with a clear principle such as market demand or social value.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly recognisable sequence, but the single-paragraph format, repeated “However,” and absence of a clear conclusion weaken progression.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion that restates the direct opinion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for discussing sport, earnings, careers, and social contribution, but repetition and frequent inaccurate collocations restrict precision.
Replace repeated phrases such as “a great deal” and “mega deal of money” with precise terms including “high salaries,” “commercial revenue,” and “financial rewards.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally understandable, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, plurals, capitalisation, and clause boundaries limit control.
Check agreement systematically in phrases such as “the person... is,” “sports professionals are,” and “scientists contribute,” then divide run-on sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.