Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays, sports professionals are obtaining more attention among people from all over the world. Media is one of the main reasons that make a person get fame in no time. So the sports persons are being treated like celebrities worldwide. To give a piece of one's mind, talented sports persons should be compensated with more pay. To be at loggerheads, some might feel this suggestion is unfair. It is a fact that not all the sports stars are talented than the people who works in other esteemed professions such as doctors, scientists and politicians. They play an important role in the growth of their nation. Whereas sports persons play for themselves by using their country's name only as a label, sometimes they bring success and fame for the whole nation. Because of media, people give keen attention to sports celebrities and treat other professions scornfully. In an honour bound, those who have mere talents must be paid with a huge amount of money. It is indeed that not all sports persons are successful in their careers. People who have the audacity and hard working nature are the one who relishes with the victory. Even though they play for their personal goal, achievements they make in sports also make the nation very proud. Considering this reason, it is fully justified to let a sports person to earn a great deal of money. To conclude, the sports professionals with suffice tendency to accomplish something in their career are justified to acquire huge earnings. It clearly depicts that, sports professions has more value than other essential professions around the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct collocation Original: obtaining Suggested revision: receiving Why it matters: People receive attention rather than obtain it.
- 2. Use precise verb Original: get Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: 'Gain fame' is the standard collocation.
- 3. Use concise noun Original: the sports persons are Suggested revision: sportspeople are Why it matters: 'Sportspeople' is the natural single-word form in this general reference.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: compensated with more pay Suggested revision: paid more Why it matters: The original expression is redundant and uses an unnatural preposition.
- 5. Correct transition Original: To be at loggerheads Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: 'At loggerheads' describes people in serious disagreement and cannot function as this transition.
- 6. Complete comparison Original: talented than Suggested revision: more talented than Why it matters: A comparative adjective is required before 'than'.
- 7. Match subject and verb Original: works Suggested revision: work Why it matters: The plural subject 'people' requires 'work'.
- 8. Correct collocation Original: give keen attention Suggested revision: pay close attention Why it matters: 'Pay close attention' is the standard expression.
- 9. Replace malformed phrase Original: In an honour bound Suggested revision: In fairness Why it matters: The original phrase is not a valid English transition.
- 10. Clarify intended meaning Original: mere talents Suggested revision: genuine talent Why it matters: 'Mere' suggests talent is insignificant, which conflicts with the claim that it deserves high pay.
- 11. Remove wrong preposition Original: paid with a huge amount of money Suggested revision: paid a huge amount of money Why it matters: 'Pay' takes the amount directly and does not require 'with'.
- 12. Correct clause opening Original: indeed Suggested revision: true Why it matters: 'It is indeed that' is not a grammatical introductory construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- obtaining receiving
- get gain
- the sports persons are sportspeople are
- compensated with more pay paid more
- To be at loggerheads By contrast
- talented than more talented than
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest aspect is its attempt to acknowledge both fairness concerns and the national pride created by successful athletes, followed by a stated opinion. Its main limitation is that the two views are not clearly separated or sufficiently developed, and frequent misused expressions and grammatical errors make several claims difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to organise one reason for each side into separate paragraphs and express the final comparison in simple, precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both positions and an opinion are identifiable, but the reasoning is limited, sometimes contradictory, and unsupported by specific explanation or examples.
Develop why market-generated sports income may be justified and why the social value of other professions may make the pay gap unfair.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a basic movement from unfairness to justification and conclusion, but the unbroken paragraph and confusing transitions weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for each view and a conclusion that clearly weighs the two arguments without introducing a contradictory claim.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant vocabulary for fame, talent, professions, achievement, and national pride appears, but frequent misused idioms and collocations impede precision.
Avoid forced expressions such as “to be at loggerheads,” “in an honour bound,” and “suffice tendency,” and use direct academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is sometimes clear, but frequent errors in comparison, agreement, articles, sentence fragments, and verb patterns occur throughout.
Construct shorter complete sentences and check each subject-verb pair and comparative form before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.