Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There are many disputes over the high salaries of the top sports people. Although reasons can be given to unjustified this, personally I believe that sports professional deserve this high wages. Many people believe that top sports persons earn too much money that they don’t deserve due to two main reasons. First reason: people believe that sports professional do not provide a vital service to communities like other important professional do. Football players, for example, earn enormous salaries by simply kicking a ball is something they often refer. The second reason: while life would be difficult without doctors, engineers and other vital professionals, people could all live happily without professional sports star. On the other hand, I would argue that there are many causes to support the high income in sport. Firstly, people who reach the highest level in sport must be highly skilled and talented. They take training and practise every day to reach this level of professionalism. So, Hard working and dedicated workers deserve high wages. Secondly, the sports professional is more susceptible to serious injury. If they get hurt, they need more money to recovery and support their families meanwhile. Also, they will not be playing the sports they play for the rest of their life. Most athletes retire after the age of forty or sometimes even earlier. Finally, sports salaries are only high because sports fans are willing to pay much money to watch their favourite stars. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against sports professional high salaries, but I believe that they deserve the salaries they currently earn.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the singular debate Original: many disputes over Suggested revision: considerable debate over Why it matters: The issue is one broad public debate rather than many separate disputes.
- 2. Use a concise profession term Original: the top sports people Suggested revision: top athletes Why it matters: 'Athletes' is the natural concise term for leading sports professionals.
- 3. Use the argue-that structure Original: reasons can be given to unjustified this Suggested revision: reasons can be given to argue that this is unjustified Why it matters: The infinitive requires a reporting verb followed by a complete 'that' clause.
- 4. Use the plural noun Original: professional Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: The general plural subject requires 'professionals'.
- 5. Match the plural demonstrative Original: this Suggested revision: these Why it matters: The plural noun 'wages' requires 'these'.
- 6. Use a comparative clause Original: too much money that they don’t deserve Suggested revision: more money than they deserve Why it matters: The intended comparison requires 'more...than'.
- 7. Use a sequencing connector Original: First reason: Suggested revision: First, Why it matters: A sequencing adverb integrates the reason into the sentence more naturally than a label and colon.
- 8. Use the plural profession Original: professional Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: The general subject must use the plural noun 'professionals'.
- 9. Use the plural comparison Original: professional Suggested revision: professionals Why it matters: The comparison refers to multiple professions and requires the plural noun.
- 10. Use a sequencing connector Original: The second reason: Suggested revision: Second, Why it matters: A sequencing adverb introduces the next reason without a fragmentary label.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: star Suggested revision: stars Why it matters: The general claim concerns sports stars as a group.
- 12. Use an argument collocation Original: causes Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: Arguments are supported by reasons, not causes.
Suggested Rewrites
- many disputes over considerable debate over
- the top sports people top athletes
- reasons can be given to unjustified this reasons can be given to argue that this is unjustified
- professional professionals
- this these
- too much money that they don’t deserve more money than they deserve
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear coverage of both positions, supported by several relevant reasons and a consistent personal opinion. Its main limitation is that frequent grammatical and collocational errors, together with single-paragraph presentation, weaken precision and fluency; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the views into distinct paragraphs and carefully edit agreement, noun forms, and sentence construction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are addressed with relevant reasons, although some supporting claims are brief or insufficiently examined.
Develop fewer arguments more fully by explaining why each reason justifies or challenges the salary difference.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall movement from the opposing view to the writer’s view is clear, but the single paragraph and mechanical labels weaken organisation.
Use separate introduction, viewpoint, and conclusion paragraphs with smoother transitions instead of colon-led list markers.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary to discuss salaries, skills, injuries, and retirement, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce control.
Replace awkward phrases with precise forms such as “justify this,” “undergo training,” and “money for recovery.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent agreement, article, plural, and clause-construction errors are noticeable throughout.
Prioritise subject–verb agreement and noun-number accuracy, then revise malformed clauses into complete, controlled sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.