Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There is no hesitation in saying that celebrities like film stars and sports stars are paid considerably high amount of money than those who are in important professions like bureaucracy, doctors and engineers. Generally, Sport starts, apart from excelling in their game, they also entertain a large number of people. This naturally gets the attention of the public and the media. So they become very popular. Commercial product manufacturers take advantage of this popularity and they use these famous personalities to promote their product by paying ample amount of money. A great example for this is Sachin Tendulkar, A famous cricketer in India, who is treated as the god of cricket. He acted in many advertisement films supporting numerous mercenary brands. Most of his income is out this job than batting in the field. This proves that the celebrities earn more money by influencing society than doing their own job. On the other hand, the main reason for the people in crucial professions is not paid as much as sports stars are due to lack of identification. These people normally stick to their own job and most importantly the outcomes of their jobs are not entertaining. Also, media doesn’t show interest in focusing their work. Even if a documentary is telecasted on their achievements, people just watch and ignore it. A great example of this is Mr Vishweswar, who was a chief architect of one of the major irrigation projects in India. In his project, the design of the reservoir is so amazing that it has become the key resource of water for thousands of hectors of cultivating the land. Though his achievement contributed major role in the eradication of poverty in south India by reducing the cost of farming, he was not paid any extra money for this. This proves that people can’t become wealthy by helping the society. In conclusion, I strongly feel that the attitude of the people should change. They should identify the real heroes. Every individual should realise that the people who give benefits to the society should get paid more that those who entertain them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use comparative form Original: considerably high amount of money than Suggested revision: considerably higher amounts of money than Why it matters: The comparison requires the comparative adjective and a natural plural noun phrase.
- 2. Use parallel professions Original: bureaucracy, doctors and engineers Suggested revision: public administration, medicine and engineering Why it matters: The list should use parallel names of professional fields.
- 3. Correct the noun phrase Original: Sport starts Suggested revision: Sports stars Why it matters: The intended phrase is 'sports stars'.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: product Suggested revision: products Why it matters: Manufacturers generally promote multiple products, so the plural is required here.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: ample amount of money Suggested revision: large amounts of money Why it matters: 'Large amounts of money' is the natural collocation in this context.
- 6. Use concise noun Original: advertisement films Suggested revision: advertisements Why it matters: 'Advertisements' expresses the intended meaning more naturally.
- 7. Choose accurate adjective Original: mercenary Suggested revision: commercial Why it matters: 'Mercenary' describes a profit-driven person or motive, not an ordinary consumer brand.
- 8. Repair clause structure Original: for the people in crucial professions is not paid Suggested revision: people in crucial professions are not paid Why it matters: The clause needs a plural subject followed by the plural verb 'are'.
- 9. Use precise noun Original: identification Suggested revision: recognition Why it matters: 'Recognition' means public acknowledgement of their work.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: normally stick to their own job Suggested revision: normally focus on their own work Why it matters: This phrasing more naturally describes concentrating on professional duties.
- 11. Improve word choice Original: outcomes of their jobs Suggested revision: results of their work Why it matters: 'Results of their work' is clearer and more idiomatic here.
- 12. Repair media clause Original: media doesn’t show interest in focusing their work Suggested revision: the media do not show interest in covering their work Why it matters: The clause needs an article, agreement with 'media', and the verb 'covering'.
Suggested Rewrites
- considerably high amount of money than considerably higher amounts of money than
- bureaucracy, doctors and engineers public administration, medicine and engineering
- Sport starts Sports stars
- product products
- ample amount of money large amounts of money
- advertisement films advertisements
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear opinion and supports its discussion with extended, relevant examples from sport and public service. Its main limitation is that it explains why sports figures earn more more fully than it examines whether that difference is justified, while frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to frame each side explicitly as an argument about fairness and express those arguments in more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, with relevant examples, although the justification side is treated mainly as an explanation of earnings.
Develop each view as a direct argument about whether the pay gap is fair before evaluating it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from athletes' commercial appeal to the social value of other professionals, but the absence of paragraphing weakens the structure.
Separate the introduction, each opposing view, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and word choices reduce accuracy.
Prioritise natural combinations such as highly paid, public recognition, and benefit society, and check each less familiar word before using it.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the main meaning, but agreement, article, comparative, and sentence-structure errors occur frequently.
Edit each sentence for a clear subject-verb pattern, then check articles, agreement, and comparative forms systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.