Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Sample Response
Increasing numbers of people have already become fond of travelling all over the world and the trend continues to be evident even during these recent times. Travelling has become a hobby among different individuals regardless of age, sex and race. Some people believe that increased travelling nowadays is because of many reasons including better communication and technological advancement and benefits of travelling to travellers are huge.
To begin with, one of the major reasons why travellers these days are motivated to travel different places is because of increasing opportunities and demands abroad. In abroad, people can visit their countries of choices to study as international students, work as a professional passionately and the appealing part of grabbing to become future immigrants because of the various benefits they will inherit compared to their country of origin. For example, my aunt decided to work as a licensed nurse in the USA and due to her undying hardworking attitude, she successfully submitted complete credentials and passed exams required for professional registration.
Another reason why people travel often is that they want to get stamps in their passports whenever possible. In this way, people will have easy access of travelling to places they wanted without hesitations or difficulties. They have the least chances of being denied by the embassies after calling up for an interview.
The cheap air travel, better communication system and facility to work at anyplace have also inspired people to visit more frequently.
In conclusion, when people travel more, they will learn the benefits of using other languages and will develop multiculturalism in terms of values, beliefs and attitudes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Show the trend clearly Original: already become fond Suggested revision: become increasingly fond Why it matters: The replacement expresses a continuing rise more clearly than 'already.'
- 2. Use natural time wording Original: during these recent times Suggested revision: in recent years Why it matters: The original time expression is awkward and unnecessarily wordy.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: different individuals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: 'People' expresses the general reference more naturally and directly.
- 4. Add the preposition Original: travel different places Suggested revision: travel to different places Why it matters: The verb requires 'to' before destinations in this construction.
- 5. Clarify the noun phrase Original: increasing opportunities and demands abroad Suggested revision: growing opportunities and demand abroad Why it matters: 'Demand' is uncountable in this general sense, and 'growing' fits both nouns naturally.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: undying hardworking attitude Suggested revision: persistent work ethic Why it matters: The original adjective combination is unnatural, while the replacement conveys sustained hard work.
- 7. Clarify completeness Original: submitted complete credentials Suggested revision: submitted all the required credentials Why it matters: This wording clearly indicates that every necessary document was submitted.
- 8. Add the article Original: passed exams required Suggested revision: passed the exams required Why it matters: The specific examinations required for registration need the definite article.
- 9. Clarify the purpose Original: get stamps in their passports Suggested revision: build a travel history Why it matters: The replacement states the intended value of previous travel more directly.
- 10. Fix the noun pattern Original: easy access of travelling Suggested revision: easier access to travel Why it matters: The noun 'access' takes 'to,' and the comparative fits the claimed improvement.
- 11. Fix tense and complement Original: places they wanted Suggested revision: places they want to visit Why it matters: The present tense matches the general claim, and 'visit' completes the meaning.
- 12. Use uncountable forms Original: without hesitations or difficulties Suggested revision: without hesitation or difficulty Why it matters: Both nouns are normally uncountable when referring generally to ease of travel.
Suggested Rewrites
- already become fond become increasingly fond
- during these recent times in recent years
- different individuals people
- travel different places travel to different places
- increasing opportunities and demands abroad growing opportunities and demand abroad
- undying hardworking attitude persistent work ethic
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers several identifiable reasons for increased travel and maintains a generally understandable progression, with some relevant vocabulary for migration and international experience. However, the benefits to travellers are confined mainly to the conclusion, while frequent awkward word choices and sentence constructions reduce precision; the top priority is to develop two clear benefit paragraphs with specific explanation and then edit each sentence for natural collocation and grammatical completeness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Several reasons for increased travel are presented, but benefits for travellers receive only a brief, undeveloped statement in the conclusion.
Develop at least two distinct traveller benefits in the body, each supported by an explanation or concrete example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable sequence and generally clear paragraphing, though some ideas are unevenly developed and the benefits appear abruptly.
Organise the essay into balanced sections for reasons and benefits, with each paragraph centred on one clearly developed idea.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary to discuss travel and migration, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices weaken clarity.
Replace awkward phrases with standard combinations such as travel abroad, employment opportunities, and easier access to visas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentences, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Build shorter complete clauses first, then check articles and prepositions before combining them into more complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.