Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Sample Response
People are fascinated to see new places and things. There is an increasing trend in the number of people who opt to travel in search of jobs or for leisure activities. This essay describes the reasons for this trend and the advantages associated with travelling. Among several reasons that exist for improvement in the number of travellers, affordable and cheaper travel costs attribute as the prime reason. With the emergence of low-cost airlines, air travel is no longer a costly affair. As a result, a middle-class family can afford an annual vacation involving air travel. Furthermore, the exponential growth of information technology jobs has resulted in additional travel for employees to various geographical locations. For example, I have travelled to eight different countries in the last ten years to meet the employment need. As you can see, affordable travel costs and employment opportunities are the main reasons for the increase in the travellers. On the other hand, there are huge benefits associated with travelling. Multi-cultural exposure is an important aspect of travelling to a different place that has a different culture. For instance, when I travelled from America to Australia it was a nice experience to understand the local culture and adapt to the work environment. Travellers get to taste different types of foods, clothing and living. It is firmly believed that a person with international exposure can have a better career path. These are few of the benefits a traveller enjoys over a person who prefers to stay put in a single location. In conclusion, cheaper airline fare and employment opportunities are the main reasons for the increased number of travellers, and they have several advantages like exposure to a different culture, food and living over their counterparts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: an increasing trend in the number of people Suggested revision: a growing number of people Why it matters: This phrase states the increase more directly and naturally.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: in search of jobs Suggested revision: for work Why it matters: The shorter phrase more naturally describes employment-related travel.
- 3. Choose an academic verb Original: describes Suggested revision: examines Why it matters: An argumentative essay examines reasons rather than merely describing them.
- 4. Avoid awkward phrasing Original: a costly affair Suggested revision: an expensive option Why it matters: The revision is more natural and precise in this context.
- 5. Avoid overstatement Original: the exponential growth Suggested revision: the growth Why it matters: The neutral noun avoids an unsupported claim about the exact rate of growth.
- 6. Clarify the meaning Original: additional travel for employees to various geographical locations Suggested revision: more employee travel to different locations Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more clearly and economically.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: meet the employment need Suggested revision: meet work requirements Why it matters: 'Meet work requirements' is the natural phrase for travel necessitated by employment.
- 8. Use a logical connector Original: As you can see Suggested revision: Therefore Why it matters: A result connector shows how the sentence follows from the two preceding reasons.
- 9. Correct the noun phrase Original: increase in the travellers Suggested revision: increase in traveller numbers Why it matters: The essay refers to a rise in the number of travellers, not an increase within particular people.
- 10. Correct the transition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The benefits section adds a new aspect rather than presenting a contrasting claim.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: huge Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: 'Substantial' is more precise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 12. Add the comma Original: Australia it was Suggested revision: Australia, it was Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory dependent clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- an increasing trend in the number of people a growing number of people
- in search of jobs for work
- describes examines
- a costly affair an expensive option
- the exponential growth the growth
- additional travel for employees to various geographical locations more employee travel to different locations
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both questions with relevant reasons, personal examples, and identifiable benefits, while maintaining a generally clear line of thought. Its main weakness is uneven language control and the absence of paragraph breaks, which makes the development feel compressed; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the reasons and benefits into distinct paragraphs and express each point with more accurate collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons for increased travel and its benefits are both relevantly addressed and supported with examples.
Develop the personal benefits beyond brief lists by explaining more precisely how cultural exposure or travel experience helps the traveller.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence and uses clear signposting, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph.
Separate the introduction, reasons, benefits, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, although several awkward or inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as “improvement in the number of travellers” and “employment need” with natural, context-specific wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates meaning clearly despite recurring article, agreement, and construction errors.
Improve control of noun phrases and clause structures, especially in sentences that compare travellers with other people.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.