Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people advocate for making all information available in science, business, engineering and research as they believe that sharing information in such fields to the fullest extent possible will ultimately benefit society. Others, however, think that some information and state secrets are too sensitive to be shared freely. This essay explores both perspectives. In my opinion, important sectors in a country should have unrestricted access to valuable data.
On the one hand, those who are against sharing all information freely, consider the sensitivity of the information in question. Intellectual property rights are an important consideration here, as inventors and researchers invest both their knowledge and significant amounts of money to achieve their goals. Publishing their findings can prevent them from fully reaping the rewards of their hard work. A good example is "Apple Inc." which invented different ingenious technological devices, and if the research data were published, it would not be able to earn profits as there would be competitors who would use the findings and compete in the market. Similarly, state agencies should not allow third parties to access their data as it may put the country's freedom in danger.
On the other hand, the supporters of making information freely accessible for science, trade and academic purposes assert that it brings innovation and development to a nation. By sharing new findings and useful data, society can progress and prosper faster. For example, after the discovery of the first antibacterial drug was made public, it allowed the entire world to benefit from its use as an effective medication against infectious diseases. Additionally, sharing valuable and meaningful information can lead to collaboration and progress in research, as well as the development of new technologies and products for a nation. It is also apparent that a society, where people have limited access to information, is less likely to become pioneers in technology, invention and research.
In conclusion, even though it is important to appreciate the rights of individuals and businesses to protect their intellectual property, the progress and prosperity of a nation should get more priority, and ultimately, the sharing of information can lead to greater advancements and benefits for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel field names Original: science, business, engineering and research Suggested revision: scientific research, business, engineering, and academia Why it matters: The revision removes the overlap between science and research and uses parallel names for the fields.
- 2. Clarify category and agreement Original: some information and state secrets are Suggested revision: some information, including state secrets, is Why it matters: The parenthetical example clarifies that state secrets are a type of information, and the uncountable subject takes is.
- 3. Use concise national phrase Original: important sectors in a country Suggested revision: key national sectors Why it matters: The revision is more concise and uses a natural institutional collocation.
- 4. Remove incorrect comma Original: freely, consider Suggested revision: freely consider Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the subject from its verb.
- 5. Use parallel investments Original: invest both their knowledge and significant amounts of money Suggested revision: invest their expertise and significant sums of money Why it matters: Expertise can be invested alongside money, and significant sums is the natural financial expression.
- 6. Use precise security term Original: put the country's freedom in danger Suggested revision: put national security at risk Why it matters: National security states the relevant danger more precisely than the country's freedom.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: the supporters of making information Suggested revision: supporters of making information Why it matters: The general plural noun supporters does not require the definite article here.
- 8. Use parallel adjectives Original: accessible for science, trade and academic purposes Suggested revision: accessible for scientific, commercial, and academic purposes Why it matters: Three parallel adjectives create a clearer list of purposes.
- 9. Clarify pronoun and verb Original: it brings innovation and development Suggested revision: such access promotes innovation and development Why it matters: The revision identifies the cause directly and uses the natural collocation promote innovation.
- 10. Avoid overlapping verbs Original: progress and prosper faster Suggested revision: advance more rapidly Why it matters: The revision combines two overlapping verbs into one precise academic phrase.
- 11. Remove redundant modifier Original: valuable and meaningful information Suggested revision: valuable information Why it matters: Valuable already implies that the information has significance, making meaningful redundant.
- 12. Clarify beneficiary Original: products for a nation Suggested revision: products that benefit a nation Why it matters: The relative clause makes the intended benefit relationship explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- science, business, engineering and research scientific research, business, engineering, and academia
- some information and state secrets are some information, including state secrets, is
- important sectors in a country key national sectors
- freely, consider freely consider
- invest both their knowledge and significant amounts of money invest their expertise and significant sums of money
- put the country's freedom in danger put national security at risk
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, well-organised discussion supported by relevant explanations and examples, with a consistent preference for wider access to information. Its main limitation is that the position is phrased somewhat differently in the introduction and conclusion, while a few claims are broad or imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to define the preferred limits on information sharing more precisely and sustain that exact position throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's position is clear overall, with relevant ideas that are generally well developed.
State one precise policy on what should be shared and develop it consistently from the introduction through the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Tighten a few long sentences and avoid unnecessary internal punctuation so relationships between ideas remain effortless to follow.
Lexical Resource
A broad and topic-appropriate vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although a few collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as 'get more priority' and broad terms such as 'freedom' with more precise academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, though several punctuation, agreement, and phrasing errors remain.
Review comma placement and agreement in complex sentences, especially around relative clauses and singular collective subjects.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.