Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's world, information is a powerful tool that drives innovation, research, business, trade, and academic progress. While some people believe that certain information should be kept confidential or hidden from all, I firmly believe that it is important to share as much information as possible with substantial sectors like scientific research, business, and the academic world. This essay attempts to discuss both views first, and then explain the reason behind my view.
Those who oppose the idea of sharing information without any restrictions say that granting unrestricted access to all sensitive information can have catastrophic consequences. It can lead to a breach of national security, privacy and trade secrets. This can have such a severe outcome that the government may collapse. Such unrestricted access to valuable information can compromise the nation's ability to protect it from terrorist attacks and keep reaping benefits from research and manufacturing work.
Those who advocate for sharing as much information as possible opine that it leads to greater innovation and progress. When researchers and scientists share their findings and discoveries, other experts in the field can advance their work. This leads to a faster and more efficient pace of progress, which benefits society as a whole. For example, the discovery of the structure of DNA by James Watson and Francis Crick in 1953 revolutionized the field of genetics and has led to countless breakthroughs in medical research, all because they freely shared their findings. Sharing information is important also because it promotes transparency and honesty. In the business world, companies that are open and honest about their practices and products are more likely to build trust with their customers and gain a positive reputation. This is because people appreciate transparency and want to know what they are investing in or buying. For instance, Tesla's decision to make its electric car patents available for free to anyone who wants to use them has led to an increase in the number of electric cars on the market, ultimately helping to reduce carbon emissions and protect the environment.
In conclusion, it is important to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Sharing information promotes innovation, transparency, and the democratization of knowledge, ultimately leading to a more prosperous and equitable society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: kept confidential or hidden from all Suggested revision: kept confidential Why it matters: Information kept confidential is already hidden from public access.
- 2. Use precise sector wording Original: with substantial sectors like Suggested revision: across major sectors such as Why it matters: “Across sectors such as” naturally introduces the listed fields.
- 3. Use a direct verb Original: attempts to discuss Suggested revision: discusses Why it matters: The direct present-tense verb is more concise than “attempts to discuss”.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: the reason behind my view Suggested revision: the reasons for my view Why it matters: “Reasons for a view” is the standard collocation.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: without any restrictions Suggested revision: without restriction Why it matters: The singular uncountable form expresses the general condition concisely.
- 6. Avoid repeated wording Original: Such unrestricted access to valuable information Suggested revision: Such access to valuable information Why it matters: The restriction idea is already established in the preceding sentences.
- 7. Fix the reflexive reference Original: it Suggested revision: itself Why it matters: The pronoun refers back to the nation, so the reflexive form is required.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: keep reaping benefits Suggested revision: continue benefiting Why it matters: This is more concise and formal than “keep reaping benefits”.
- 9. Use a natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: “Argue” is the more natural academic reporting verb here.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: While some people believe that certain information should be kept confidential or hidden from all, I firmly believe that it is important to share as much information as possible with substantial sectors like scientific research, business, and the academic world. Suggested revision: While some people believe that certain information should remain confidential, I believe that as much information as possible should be shared across scientific research, business, and academia. Why it matters: The rewrite removes redundancy and corrects the awkward idea of sharing information “with” sectors.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: It can lead to a breach of national security, privacy and trade secrets. Suggested revision: It can compromise national security and privacy and expose trade secrets. Why it matters: The rewrite creates parallel objects and avoids the illogical phrase “a breach of trade secrets”.
- 12. Separate the supporting strands Suggested revision: Divide the scientific-research example and the business-transparency example into distinct paragraphs with separate topic sentences. Why it matters: The long paragraph contains two substantial lines of support that would progress more clearly on their own.
Suggested Rewrites
- kept confidential or hidden from all kept confidential
- with substantial sectors like across major sectors such as
- attempts to discuss discusses
- the reason behind my view the reasons for my view
- without any restrictions without restriction
- Such unrestricted access to valuable information Such access to valuable information
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is well organised, maintains a clear position, and develops the case for information sharing with specific, relevant examples from science and business. Its main limitation is that the opposing view is comparatively brief and includes the exaggerated claim that unrestricted access could cause a government to collapse. The highest-priority improvement is to define principled limits for sensitive information and weigh those limits directly against the benefits of openness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both views, gives a clear opinion, and develops its preferred position convincingly, though the case for restricting valuable information is less fully explored and sometimes overstated.
Distinguish information that should remain protected from information that should be open, then explain why this boundary still supports the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from the opposing view to the preferred view, with well-managed paragraphs and cohesive links that rarely draw attention to themselves.
Strengthen the balance of the progression by giving the restrictive view a fuller internal sequence of claim, consequence, and example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, topic-appropriate, and generally precise, with only occasional awkward choices such as "substantial sectors" and slightly formal phrasing such as "opine."
Replace the few unnatural or unnecessarily formal expressions with more idiomatic wording while retaining the essay's strong subject-specific range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor awkwardness that does not impede communication.
Refine occasional word order and parallelism, such as changing "Sharing information is important also" to the more natural "Sharing information is also important."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.