Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people advocate for making all information available in science, business, engineering and research as they believe that sharing information in such fields to the fullest extent possible will ultimately benefit society. Others, however, think that some information and state secrets are too sensitive to be shared freely. This essay explores both perspectives. In my opinion, important sectors in a country should have unrestricted access to valuable data.
On the one hand, those who are against sharing all information freely, consider the sensitivity of the information in question. Intellectual property rights are an important consideration here, as inventors and researchers invest both their knowledge and significant amounts of money to achieve their goals. Publishing their findings can prevent them from fully reaping the rewards of their hard work. A good example is "Apple Inc." which invented different ingenious technological devices, and if the research data were published, it would not be able to earn profits as there would be competitors who would use the findings and compete in the market. Similarly, state agencies should not allow third parties to access their data as it may put the country's freedom in danger.
On the other hand, the supporters of making information freely accessible for science, trade and academic purposes assert that it brings innovation and development to a nation. By sharing new findings and useful data, society can progress and prosper faster. For example, after the discovery of the first antibacterial drug was made public, it allowed the entire world to benefit from its use as an effective medication against infectious diseases. Additionally, sharing valuable and meaningful information can lead to collaboration and progress in research, as well as the development of new technologies and products for a nation. It is also apparent that a society, where people have limited access to information, is less likely to become pioneers in technology, invention and research.
In conclusion, even though it is important to appreciate the rights of individuals and businesses to protect their intellectual property, the progress and prosperity of a nation should get more priority, and ultimately, the sharing of information can lead to greater advancements and benefits for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the category Original: some information and state secrets Suggested revision: some information, including state secrets Why it matters: This phrasing makes clear that state secrets are one type of sensitive information.
- 2. Use precise phrasing Original: important sectors in a country Suggested revision: key sectors of a country Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to identify nationally important sectors.
- 3. Remove the comma Original: freely, consider Suggested revision: freely consider Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the subject from its verb.
- 4. Improve the collocation Original: knowledge Suggested revision: expertise Why it matters: Researchers invest their expertise, while knowledge itself is less naturally described as an investment here.
- 5. Remove unnecessary quotes Original: "Apple Inc." Suggested revision: Apple Inc. Why it matters: A company name does not require quotation marks in this context.
- 6. Choose natural wording Original: invented different ingenious technological devices Suggested revision: developed various innovative technological devices Why it matters: Developed and innovative form a more natural description of a company's products.
- 7. Use precise meaning Original: country's freedom in danger Suggested revision: country's security at risk Why it matters: Security at risk expresses the danger from exposing state data more precisely.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: progress and prosper faster Suggested revision: make faster progress and prosper Why it matters: Faster naturally modifies progress rather than prosper in this construction.
- 9. Remove the comma Original: a society, where Suggested revision: a society where Why it matters: The defining relative clause should not be separated from its noun by a comma.
- 10. Match the singular subject Original: become pioneers Suggested revision: become a pioneer Why it matters: The singular subject society requires a singular complement.
- 11. Fix the collocation Original: get more priority Suggested revision: take priority Why it matters: Take priority is the standard expression for something judged more important.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, after the discovery of the first antibacterial drug was made public, it allowed the entire world to benefit from its use as an effective medication against infectious diseases. Suggested revision: For example, making the discovery of the first antibacterial drug public allowed the entire world to benefit from its use as an effective medication against infectious diseases. Why it matters: The revision removes the unclear pronoun and gives the introductory idea a grammatical subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- some information and state secrets some information, including state secrets
- important sectors in a country key sectors of a country
- freely, consider freely consider
- knowledge expertise
- "Apple Inc." Apple Inc.
- invented different ingenious technological devices developed various innovative technological devices
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, well-supported discussion, with relevant explanations and examples for both protecting and sharing information. The main limitation is that the initial opinion is narrower and slightly less precise than the conclusion, while a few claims are overstated. Make the position fully consistent from the introduction onward and qualify examples more carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth with relevant support, and the conclusion presents a clear preference for sharing information.
State the same precise position in the introduction and conclusion, clarifying what access should remain restricted.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively throughout.
Tighten the long Apple example and remove unnecessary internal commas to make the progression even smoother.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, despite a few awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise phrases such as ‘get more priority’ and ‘country’s freedom’ with more natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is handled with strong control, although occasional agreement and punctuation errors remain.
Check subject-verb agreement and comma placement in long sentences, especially around relative and conditional clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.