Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There is an ongoing debate regarding who holds the primary responsibility for teaching children to become good members of society. While some believe that parents should take on this role, others argue that schools are better equipped to instil civic values and social responsibility. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view that schools play a more effective role in this regard.
Supporters of parental responsibility argue that parents are the first and most influential teachers in a child’s life. From early childhood, children observe and imitate their parents, making it easier for them to adopt values such as respect, honesty, and responsibility when these are consistently demonstrated at home. Since parents typically spend a considerable amount of time with their children, especially in the formative years, they are in a strong position to reinforce moral lessons through daily interactions. For example, my cousin, who is just ten years old, regularly shows respect to elders and behaves with remarkable maturity — traits her parents consciously instilled in her from a young age.
On the contrary, proponents of the school-based approach argue that schools offer a structured environment where children can systematically learn about civic duties, ethics, and social norms. Given that students spend a significant portion of their day in school, teachers are in an ideal position to influence their development. Schools can also incorporate moral education and civic responsibility into the formal curriculum, ensuring that all children receive consistent and professional guidance on how to be active, respectful, and responsible citizens. This is especially important for children who may lack parental guidance due to family circumstances, such as having both parents employed or living in boarding facilities.
In conclusion, while both parents and schools have crucial roles to play in shaping a child’s character, I believe that schools are more effective in teaching children how to become responsible members of society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise preposition Original: regarding Suggested revision: over Why it matters: Debate over is the more concise and natural collocation.
- 2. Use formal verb Original: take on this role Suggested revision: assume this role Why it matters: Assume is a concise academic alternative to the phrasal verb take on.
- 3. Avoid repeated role wording Original: schools play a more effective role Suggested revision: schools are more effective Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating role and states the comparison directly.
- 4. Use direct causal wording Original: making it easier for them to adopt values Suggested revision: helping them adopt values Why it matters: The revision expresses the same cause-and-effect relationship more concisely.
- 5. Use concise quantity phrase Original: a considerable amount of time Suggested revision: considerable time Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same quantity without unnecessary words.
- 6. Clarify whose years Original: especially in the formative years Suggested revision: especially during their formative years Why it matters: Their clearly links the formative period to the children.
- 7. Use correct preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Respect takes for when naming the people who receive it.
- 8. Use concise adverb Original: behaves with remarkable maturity Suggested revision: behaves remarkably maturely Why it matters: The adverbial form expresses the manner of behaviour more concisely.
- 9. Use accurate contrast Original: On the contrary, proponents Suggested revision: By contrast, proponents Why it matters: By contrast introduces an alternative view without implying that the preceding claim is false.
- 10. Improve adverb placement Original: systematically learn about civic duties Suggested revision: learn systematically about civic duties Why it matters: Placing systematically after the verb makes its relationship to the learning process clearer.
- 11. Avoid repeated position phrase Original: in an ideal position to influence Suggested revision: well placed to influence Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating the earlier construction in a strong position.
- 12. Use natural family phrase Original: having both parents employed Suggested revision: having both parents at work Why it matters: At work is the more natural expression for parents being employed outside the home.
Suggested Rewrites
- regarding over
- take on this role assume this role
- schools play a more effective role schools are more effective
- making it easier for them to adopt values helping them adopt values
- a considerable amount of time considerable time
- especially in the formative years especially during their formative years
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay offers a clear position, balanced discussion, and well-developed support for both parental and school influence, expressed through highly controlled sentence structures and precise academic language. Its main limitation is that the final preference for schools could be justified more explicitly through direct comparison, while a few expressions are slightly imprecise; the priority is to make the comparative basis for the opinion unmistakable throughout the school paragraph and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored in depth and the writer's opinion is clear, relevant, and consistently maintained with effective support.
Make the preference for schools even more persuasive by explicitly comparing their advantages with the limits of parental instruction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses smoothly through clearly focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing managed very effectively overall.
Replace the overly oppositional transition On the contrary with By contrast to represent the relationship between the two valid views accurately.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and precise academic vocabulary with natural collocations, apart from a few slightly awkward choices.
Refine isolated expressions such as living in boarding facilities and vary repeated references to responsibility and responsible citizens.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and varied structures are handled with a very high degree of accuracy, and punctuation supports effortless comprehension.
Maintain this control while tightening the occasional heavily embedded sentence to achieve greater concision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.